Uncommon Type

I love Tom Hanks. He's an incredible actor, and seems like a thoroughly wonderful human in real life. Affable, genial, decent. I kind of wish he could be my uncle.

Then it turns out he collects typewriters - and has perhaps used them to knock out a collection of stories, featuring typewriters. As a lover of words and books, and admirer of typewritten text, this is seeming to be all too much. How the stars are aligning! What magnificent tales might Uncle Tom whisper into my eager ears?

Well, unfortunately, it seems Tom is just too nice. His stories are all of the apple pie, white picket fence, “aw shucks”, “American dream” variety that is sickly sweet and devoid of any flavour.

His characters literally say things like “jeez” and “yowza”, wish happy birthday by saying “hoopy boofy” or zanily swear by saying “Jiminy expletive!”. Every single one of them. This isn't how normal people talk - unless it's your parents (or your favourite uncle?!) trying to mimic the current slang to show just how cool and happening they are.

These bland and untroubled characters live in saccharine worlds where no problems exist, other than simple ones they make up for themselves, or are easily fixed by some sub-Dickensian coincidence before anything gets too real.

And as if the twee characters and trite storylines weren't bad enough but the writing is just so... bland. There's not a sniff of an interesting metaphor, or poetic observation. The only characteristic of the writing is the same kooky, gee whiz Walton-esque sing-song nonsense that the characters seem to embody.

I'm so disappointed. The lovable squeeziness and gentle lovability that make Hanks so charming and wonderful in real life just don't cut it when written down in story form. Clearly the complexity and nuance that he can embody so well comes from those who write the parts he plays.

The Sunday Times reviewer seems to have nailed this issue, in a damned-with-faint-praise sentence that the publishers have included on the cover seemingly without irony: “The great strengths of this collection are decency and sentimentality.”

Unfortunately, these wonderful characteristics don't make for interesting or entertaining reading.