Ash

Wow, I'm clearly in the minority here, but why the heck do people adore this book/series? I honestly don't get it, and I guess I never will. There are tons of great YA fairy-centric stories, so why waste your time on this one?

DNFed at less than 20%... yikes.

Why is this book so popular? Seriously, why? Was everyone knocked on the head or something?

The fact that this book is hailed as being the next big modern classic, and that it's listed on the Times Next 100 is an insult to actual modern classics and all the other books on that list that are really deserving of the high praise and title.

First of all, the blurb is nothing like the story at all. Where it's supposed to be a “great romantic story,” it becomes a plotless, sex-filled story with detestable characters who have no redeeming qualities. Every other page contains a fairly vivid depiction of sex between teens and later, between young adults, that adds zero value to the story and doesn't advance the plot in any way. Furthermore, the frequent comments on female characters' bodies is gross and unnecessary. Do I really need to read about Marianne's breast every two minutes? Obviously no. The male gaze is strong with this one, even though it was written by a woman (misogyny strike 1?).

The characters themselves are incredibly flat and underdeveloped. Marianne and Connell, our main characters, are one-trick-ponies who continuously repeat the same mistakes and never learn nor grow as people. Connell in particular is incredibly infuriating. These characters are supposed to be representations of today's world, but news flash, they really aren't. Real people don't casually fantasize about beating their (abused) girlfriend. Real people don't walk around in shame of their partner for no apparent reason. Real people aren't insufferable a-holes who treat their mother like a third class citizen.

Both Connell and Marianne are constantly pegged as being “smart” and “different” in a I'm not like all the other girls/boys way which is annoying as hell. Marianne is super smart and knows everything, but Connell is even smarter still and outshines everyone because he reads and knows about books (seriously, this is the main reason why he's soooo smart). Marianne is quick to sing his praises and tell everyone how smart he is and how much smarter than her he is... okay then (misogyny, strike 2!).

The plot in this book is nonexistent. Nothing happens in this story; instead, Marianne and Connell simply orbit around one another and go through rince and repeat cycles of emotional abuse for reasons?? Plus, outside of these two, the other characters are basically just background props because they had no value to the story, serve no purpose in terms of teaching or helping the MCs, and are so woefully underdeveloped that I barely remember their names. For example Rachel, the stereotypical high school mean girl (misogyny, strike 3!): what is her point? Why is she even there (other than to serve as a contrast to poor (but smart) little Marianne who is unjustly bullied and mistreated by her classmates?

Overall, I do not recommend this to any living soul. Do yourself a favour and save your eyes (or ears) by reading something, anything, else. This book isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

DNF @ 250 pages/ 30%


Reading Notes

p.250/30% mini review:

1. Where. Are. The. Dragons.
Seriously, where??? How am I 200+ pages in and dragons have been barely present? Also, dragon names: Fýredel? Cool, epic-sounding. The Nameless One... what? Really? The most evil and murderous dragon is called the Nameless One??? I'm seeing a trend... (He Who Must Not Be Named, the Evil One, etc.) How original.

2. Sabran is so damn annoying. She is actually the worse person in the book. How can someone so vain, selfish, and stupid ever be the queen of a country and figurehead of a major religion is beyond me. Why is most of the focus on this character? Her kingdom is easily the most boring one out of all of them.

3. There's been a minor character death so far that was so underwhelming, I had to read the passage twice just to make sure he was actually dead and not just chilling. I liked this character, but I didn't get to see him enough to develop strong emotions upon his dying (very anticlimactically, btw). He died too soon in the story to have any emotional effect whatsoever, which seems rather pointless.

4. The fact that most of the time we're stuck in the West with Sabran is really disheartening. The East is by far more interesting, but we barely spend any time there. Tané and Niclays have potential as characters, but no, I'm forced to read about snooty Sabran 90% of the time.

5. Am I really going to read 800+ pages of this...? I'm questioning my sanity.

[Edit: No, no I won't. I dropped this book so fast after p. 250. I refuse to keep reading even though, according to some, “it gets better after 50%!!” No, don't care.]

6. If anyone dares compare this to The Lord of the Rings, please give them a stern talking to. LOTR is a masterpiece in every shape and form, and it is definitely unfair to attempt to compare anything else to it, but the fact that Priory of the Orange Tree has been called the “feminist LOTR” is such an insult to the latter. Just.... just don't go there if you don't want your book to be pulled apart and destroyed because of this poor comparison. There is nothing in Priory that remotely resembles LOTR.

I, like everyone else, read the back cover and thought, “wow, this sounds right up my alley! What is there not to love about a queer historical fantasy with an arranged marriage trope.” However, two sentences in, and I knew right away that nope, this was not going to work. The author uses so many adjectives and adverbs in each sentence, it's dizzying. Not only that, but the attempt to sound ‘old timey' doesn't work here at all because 1) some of the words make no sense contextually, 2) the sentence structure is off putting for the most part, and 3) old literature doesn't even sound like this, not by any stretch of the imagination.

The offending opening lines in question:

“We'd scarcely entered Father's new lands when I realised how little I cared that I'd never inherit them. It was a genteel epiphany, as such things go...”

Let's dissect this a bit:
Epiphany: noun A moment of sudden revelation or insight.

The word used to enhance the noun:
Genteel: adj. Polite, refined, or respectable, often in an affected or ostentatious way.

A much better word to use that was forgone to sound (incorrectly) ‘old timey':
Gentle: adj. Moderate in action, effect, or degree; not harsh or severe.

Now, everyone, please tell me, is it truly a refined moment of revelation, or is it not more a soft revelation? Which one do you think makes more sense? Case in point.


Naturally, I didn't stop at the first few lines. No, I flipped around the book at random to see if maybe the first page was just an unfortunate editing slip-up. Alas, it was not an accidental slip-up. The whole book is like this, and as a self-respecting reader, there's no way I can stomach 544 pages of this kind of writing.

Consider these few choice examples I picked up during my flip through:

“...her head was freshly shaven enough to gleam beneath its stubble.”
Excuse me, but this is an oxymoron.

“Cae manfully resisted the urge to squirm away from the question...”
Manfully? Really? How does one resist in a manly way, exactly? Is the author playing synonym roulette here or something, because some alternative word choices in the dictionary are ‘ordinary' words like ‘bravely' and ‘courageously' (which still doesn't make sense in the context, but at least they are infinitely less painful to read than ‘manfully.')

“Being fifteen is four parts bravery to six parts foolishness...”
15 = 4+6... yes
insert confused Jackie Chan meme
Who talks like this? Do you know anyone who naturally comes up with this kind of response in a conversation?

Cae felt an obscure pang.
..... a what not? What, pray tell, is an obscure pang, exactly?


I could keep going, but I need a Tylenol at this point. Wherefore art thou so headache-inducing, dear novel?

Rating: 2.5 ⭐This keeps happening to me... I'm doomed to dislike award-winning books. Whenever a book receives high praise and tons of media and literary attention, I always find it falls short of the hype and expectations. I know myself as a highly critical reader of anything that presents itself as high literature, so take my analysis with a grain of salt.SummaryBored and restless gods Apollo and Hermes decide to place a wager on whether or not dogs can die happy if given human consciousness. The brothers decide to test out their theory by giving fifteen dogs in a kennel the gift of human thinking, but it soon becomes clear that humanity is a burden on the animals, and so Apollo and Hermes watch as the dogs attempt to navigate life with their newfound sense of self.ReviewMy biggest gripe with Fifteen Dogs is that it is a very dry and uninteresting prose. The writing reminds me a lot of [b:Normal People 41057294 Normal People Sally Rooney https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1571423190l/41057294.SY75.jpg 59141209], which I also disliked, so maybe that explains things. Fifteen Dogs drags in many places, and the pacing is inconsistent. I found myself bored more often than not, and, surprisingly despite the themes of the book, I felt zero emotional attachement to the characters. The dogs lead horrible lives and die in horrible ways thanks to humans, gods, and fellow dogs, too. However, the emotional impact was not as strong as what was intended. The author's extended moralistic allegory is repetitive and dull. Moreover, there were quite a number of plot holes that required a higher level of suspension of disbelief to get over them.For example, Majnoun and Nira have a conversation about god during which Nira asks if he believes in a higher power. Majnoun explains that the concept is completely foreign to dogs, and so it is difficult for him to form a definitive opinion about the topic. However, some 20-30 pages later, Atticus builds an altar in the park and sacrifices to god (Zeus) because he believes in a “master of all master.” How can one dog have no concept of religion, yet another not only knows of the idea, but even understands ancient rituals to appease his god of choice? Speaking of gods, Zeus is sorely misrepresented as a benevolent and caring god. Anyone who knows Greek mythology knows he is anything but kind to mortals. By contrast, Apollo and Hermes are made more cruel than what they already are in mythos. Another thing that is never explained nor revisited is the idea that the dogs have a different clock and calendar system than humans. Why was this detail included if it wasn't relevant to the story?One of the strong points of the book, however, was the inclusion of poems that, once recited out loud, contain the name of a dog in the story. This was a clever mechanism that ensures that 1) the book is revisited after it's over and 2) that the dogs are remembered for their lives and sacrifices.Overall, Fifteen Dogs was a miss for me. I would have DNFed it save for the fact that I had to read it for work. I don't regret giving it a shot, but I know that I will not be rereading it any time soon.