em
“Now these things have been taken from me, but not naturally. I don't know, and now I never will, but I imagine that the natural way is gradual, that you're given time, that you're old enough to accept it, even with relief. What happened to me was sudden and artificial and it was done by people–oh, and by me, of course; I did quite surely to myself what I would never have done to anyone else. But that cruel truth people tell when they're meant to be comforting someone...‘You have only yourself to blame!' It's far worse of course than being able to blame someone else. ‘Only yourself' is terrible...What are the good of such judgements, once something has been done?”
Now, I may not know what I want, or how I want it. I may not love myself enough to save myself. But that burden is mine to carry, and no one else's. The burden (which may not be a burden at all) of me is for me only. Mine. It is not the job of others to take care of me. Do not take that away from me. Do no take me away from myself. A story of a woman falling away, and in turn, apart. I don't know what else to say. Wow, such a profound book. I will be thinking about this for the next few days.
I don't think I had the proper historical context to appreciate what Bataille is doing here (my fault). I don't like how, if this is the case, the whole “women he's attracted to as allusions to fascism, marxism” etc are attributed to women. Left a bad taste in my mouth. Left me wondering, for sure. Maybe I'd appreciate it more in a classroom setting with other's opinions/ takeaways.
I need to think on this one
I definitely think my judgement of this novella was (heavily) influenced by surrounding books of the similar “dark academia” / “college-campus novel” themes. I'm particularly thinking of The Secret History (maybe THE campus novel), My Dark Vanessa, Sweet Days of Discipline, etc. etc. I like how this story was contained/ controlled, yet (upon re-reading the first chapter) there is something lurking deeper than what our unreliable narrator is giving us. I love the whole Dionysus and Maenads dynamic going on here. The writing was also very unusual, in a powerfully hypnotic way.
Okay, that's all
I have thoughts I will get to later....
OKAY! So. I have conflicted feelings about giving a rating on personal works such as memoirs or autobiographies, especially when this celebrity memoir is so gritty and personal, so I won't give one here. I am honestly ashamed that I only knew about Julia Fox through her relationship with Kanye West, I think she is such an interesting personality who has had such an interesting life that I feel ashamed for reducing her to that relationship. Fox has obviously been through a lot, and it has obviously shaped who she is. I like how Fox did not hold back, less because I liked the morbid nature of her experiences, more because it reflected the ongoing theme of reclaiming your voice/power. I realize now Julia Fox is a persona, and you can definitely feel that with how little analysis Fox gives to her own experiences. Speaking of which, this is something I would've loved to have more of. This memoir feels less like an exploration of one's life and more like word vomit? Fox doesn't delve more into what she goes through besides XYZ. In a way, it feels like gossip. While I think this was a creative choice, and it allowed readers to project their own interpretation (which, again, is on brand: Julia Fox wants you to know Julia Fox, whatever you think she may be), it is not what I'm personally looking for in a memoir. I had a lot of questions about how Fox felt about her tumultuous life growing up. What does she think now as an adult about how others failed her as a child? She obviously has a complex relationship with her father despite her dedication to him in her memoir, and not to pry and say I wanted every detail about what went wrong/or right, but I think this memoir could've benefitted from some re-examining/ reflection, especially as one grows into maturity.
Either way, this was good!
3.25
Hmmm I liked our main character and the way she sort of rambles, I think writing through her perspective made this so interesting. I also liked the war as a backdrop that slowly cracks through the consciousness (but never truly, like a child) of Jessica throughout the novel. I especially loved how the gas mask was a constant ‘guest' to Jessica's items, I think it's such a cool visual. I also liked the theme of encouragement versus belittlement.
However, I think it just fell flat for me. Jessica's story felt stagnant despite everything she's been through...idk those are my thoughts
Ah, yes. Cinema, sex, and protests: the ultimate backdrop for social commentary (thank you French people). No but actually this was really good. I only read this so I could watch the movie (call me a rat, as they do) but I didn't mind the sort of script play-by-play writing. There were some beautiful lines here and everything was very thought-provoking (which I love). We have three very interesting characters here, and I really liked the sort of “Les Miserables”-esque ending we got for one of them. I think the ending really parallels the harsh reality of privilege and what it means to actually have it. Really good!
It's so easy for me to relate to Liliana—her want of freedom, her ambition, her hopes, her love. To be 20 years old (the age I currently am) and to have it all taken away from you, for what? Her voice is so profound and beautiful you feel enraged and saddened that you're only finding out about her because of her murder and not (as I'd like) her poetry, or her work, her architecture. I can't help but feel like I know Liliana; I want to be her friend. The profound sense of loss I felt after finishing this shocked me, I too felt like I lost Liliana (and I guess I did, we all did). How different am I from Liliana? How would my story have looked if my grandmother stayed in Mexico, and by extension, me too? I guess what I'm trying to say is this: like how Rivera herself says, “the only difference between my sister and me is that I never came across a murderer”
I had the privilege of hearing Cristina Rivera Garza discuss this book at the 2024 Texas Book Festival, and she was great. She specifically used the term “Femicider” (rather than, say, “murderer”) which peaked my interest and furthered my agreement with the idea that language is powerful and we must directly name the violent actions made against women. “Crime of passion” is bullshit, “murdered her because she is a woman” does not absolve the man of fault. We must use language to express the gravity of what is being done to our women around the world.
1.5
The writing here is so spectacular that this book kind of feels like a car crash I can't look away from. I don't know. The second half of the novel is so much better than the first. We spent way too much time with the MC. A lot of the racism, misogyny, transphobia—actually, maybe all the -ias and-isms were present here and (surprise, surprise) I do not like it! I mean I guess I can understand the (“) creative decision (“) for such characteristics, and this is for sure a story where the author does not necessarily want his MC to be likeable, but I don't care for those stories. What's the point? To shock me? Well, I'm not shocked, just bored. This feels like such an “edgy” story written by a straight man, except it's not. We should've focused on the Emerson Club, that was the most interesting part of this story tbh. Such a disappointment. Cool cover though.
“ ‘Oh, how I'd like to show you my ingratitude, show you how ugly I am, how impossible it is to love me. I'd like to offer you that.'
‘You have offered it to me' ”
How erotic this novel is. How moving. How powerful a gaze is in the game of love. The writing here is detached from its reader, but it's alive. It's hypnotic, and the way the novel seamlessly weaves through time, memory, people...oh, wow! There's elements here that remind me of Anais Nin, mainly the voyeurism and the pleasure our main character derives from that. Lol Stein is one of the most interesting characters I have read, Duras does a great job here. This book is actually so, so wonderful and special. I think this just became one of my favorite books...adding it to the list!
Lispector loves her “narrators as God” doesn't she lol. I quite liked this one, actually. I really liked the patheticness of our main character and how, in the end we're all pathetic, but our heroine was the only one truly happy. I always leave a Lispector full of thoughts. I genuinely think she's a genius. Every sentence is such a punch.
A solid debut novel. Other Ferrante novellas feel like rough drafts for her magnum opus that is My Brilliant Friend, but Troubling Love feels so different from it all and I greatly appreciate that. I think she does keep on hitting me over the head with the whole daughter IS mother deal, the last line made me say “yeah...duh.”
