Jessica

What happens when someone from your long-lost past suddenly appears? This is what Daphne Fuller faces in Whistler. While strolling through the museum with her husband, Johnathan, he notices that someone has been following them and thinks the person is interested in Daphne. After getting irritated about being pursued, Johnathan approaches the man. To Daphne’s surprise, the man ends up being her mother’s ex-husband, Eddie, whom she hasn’t seen in decades. This reunion brings up emotions and memories that she hasn’t thought about in years and raises many questions about past events that she is hesitant to ask.

There are people that we meet long-term that will have effects on us, whether it is family, friends, neighbors, etc. Daphne has that with her mother. Daphne avoided the pitfalls of her mother’s failed marriages. Daphne’s mom knowingly chose men who valued their career or another person more than her because she hoped that they would eventually put her first. Daphne learned from her mother’s mistakes and did the opposite. She chose a spouse who replicated her feelings instead of chasing men who had no interest in her.

One thing that helped solidify Daphne away from her mother’s habits was her relationship with Eddie, who was Daphne’s stepfather for less than two years. She saw Eddie as more of a father figure than her biological father and her current stepdad. She didn’t have to seek validation from him. He cared for her, encouraged her love for literature, which led to her career, and made her feel safe and brave during one of the scariest events of her life. Once Daphne and Eddie reconnect decades later, they realize how much they missed each other over the years and never want to break that bond ever again.

Reading about Daphne’s and Eddie’s journey reminded me of interactions with people in my own life. My family definitely made a difference. My mom, being a nurse, knew about the medical system to get me better care and treatment. My sisters provided not only support but also encouraged me to go out of my comfort zone, and my dad helped me feel safe when the world seemed bleak.

I understand the longterm effects that people have on us, but I didn’t realize how short meetings can affect people even years later until one of my earlier school jobs. I used to work in the registration office of my school. As I met each of the supervisors I had to report to and learned the rules of the job, I noticed that one of the supervisors kept an eye on me all day. I felt that maybe I made her mad, and was startled when she cornered me at the end of the day. I was expecting her to say something about my first day at work. However, she asked me if I ever worked at the calendar store at a local mall.

The question took me off guard, but I told her I did. She said that she remembered me from a couple of years ago. She had a son who was mentally challenged and was having difficulty choosing a calendar. She said that I helped him to choose one, and she appreciated my time and patience. I was flattered, but I have no idea what she was talking about. My time at the job was fuzzy because it had been several years, and I had seen hundreds of customers during my time at that store. However, that moment was important to my supervisor because I had shown kindness when it normally didn’t happen for them. It reminds me that you can have an effect on people without even realizing it.

After reading, I understand why Whistler is so highly regarded. Despite Daphne’s short time with Eddie, she found their relationship memorable. That is similar to a lot of people’s relationships with people. It is not always the length of time that impacts us, but the little moments that create the biggest change in us. In the spirit of the book, I ask the following question: What brief encounter had the biggest impact on your life?

What happens when you are asked to do the extraordinary? That is what happens to Ryan Crane in Detour. Ryan, a cop, was just going for a cup of coffee when he spotted a hitman aiming at a potential presidential candidate and billionaire. Ryan is able to stop the assassination attempt. In return for his heroics, Ryan is given an opportunity of a lifetime: join a select group of civilians and three veteran astronauts on a voyage to Saturn’s moon, Titan. Ryan’s reluctance to the journey disappears with the offer of money and doctors to help his disabled son. However, Ryan and the other members of his space crew soon discover that the space voyage is hiding a mystery that will change their lives forever.

I felt that this story was a mixed bag. The book got the following things right that helped me to keep reading: teamwork and returning home after a long period of time. I am glad that some of the astronauts realized that teamwork is drastically important because they are going to be with their crew for two years with minimal communication to the outside world. I think that is why I like that the civilians and astronauts participated in an escape room. It forced them to learn their different communication styles and how to work together as a team.

I also liked that the space crew found returning home jarring. They were gone for two years and found getting back into the rhythm of things tended to be hard. Granted, there seems to be a sci-fi element that is causing this, but it does illustrate the point that things don’t turn back to normal when you return to your life after several years. People move on, which is expected, and the space crew had to learn to adapt to all the new changes after they landed.

What gives me pause on the book is that it reads like the first two episodes of a TV show, which shouldn’t be a surprise since the author, Jeff Rake, is responsible for a bunch of TV shows like Manifest on Netflix. It results in the book being mostly world-building and character introduction, and an odd cliffhanger. I really expected it at the end of the novel to say “Next week on Detour.” Don’t get me wrong. I love reading stories that have sequels like Fourth Wing, The House in the Cerulean Sea, and Dungeon Crawler Carl. I think the difference between those books and Detour is that their stories felt fleshed out and the characters seem multidimensional, leaving me wanting more. Detour felt more like an idea that promises to be fleshed out in the second book that is supposed to come out next year.

Overall, Detour is a good idea whose potential remains to be seen. The characters working together and the space crew dealing with life after the mission are definite highlights of the story. The ending leaves the upcoming sequel to do a lot of heavy lifting with a promise to answer the questions left by the climax. It is a tall order to produce the extraordinary, and I wonder if the sequel will be able to elevate Detour or bring it to ruin.

What happens when happily ever after ends? The Extraordinary Dreams of Cynthia Peabody explores that notion. Cynthia Peabody has plans with the love of her life. They were to grow old together and live out their remaining years in a senior living community. However, Cynthia’s husband dies, and now she is swirling around in the emotion of grief everywhere she turns. Not being able to sleep anymore, she decides to do meditation. However, the meditation leads her to a weird dream where she finds an abandoned dog chained to a fence and looks miserable. Wanting to help the dog, she releases him and then wakes up. Baffled by her dream, she continues with her day-to-day routine until she goes into the backyard and discovers the dog from her dreams waiting there for her. Are Cynthia’s dreams becoming real, or is her grief causing her to lose her sense of reality?

Cynthia does question her grip on reality as she starts having more vivid dreams. The events happen in real life, but there is no evidence that she was involved in making those things happen. When she talks to her doctors, it leads to them questioning her sanity, but Cynthia’s best friend thinks Cynthia is the guardian angel of her city. Cynthia has to decide whether to trust her doctors or explore that something fantastical is occurring. Cynthia’s struggle with reality is a common one because as we get older, our bodies do begin to change and start working against us sooner rather than later. It was amazing seeing her face the issues she is having head-on instead of fighting them.

One way that she faces things head-on is by going into the outside world. For months, she stayed inside her home after her husband’s death, but she realized that staying home alone all the time wasn’t healthy. She started by taking in the dog and interacting with her next-door neighbor’s daughter, Juniper. The dog and Juniper gradually become her companions, giving her reasons to learn more things (like about nature, pop culture, and K-Pop). She also realizes that she has a lot left to give in her old age. She shares her knowledge of driving, work, and relationships with Juniper, who is a captivated audience and appreciates Cynthia’s words of wisdom. By taking walks with the dog, Cynthia notices more things in the outside world and how nice it is to have a constant companion again.

This novel surprised me because I thought it was going to be fantastical in nature. However, I found that the novel very much reminded me of the Pixar movie Up. Both have a sense of whimsy, but I thought they focus more on the idea of grief and growing older. Despite losing her husband and being elderly, Cynthia gradually realizes that her life isn’t over and she has more things to explore. Even if her health is becoming worse, hiding from it won’t help. She strives to make each day count, which is something I aspire to do. I have had so much happen to me emotionally, mentally, and physically due to my disability getting worse. Despite everything, I realized, like Cynthia, that I have a second act, and I intend to follow it to the fullest.

Adelfried is a leader in his village and a family man. He uses his magical powers to protect his village and the people he loves. However, Adelfried feels that his brother, also a magic user, is a danger to the village. When he tries to confront his brother, the ensuing fight leads to Adelfried being accidentally sent to a new world of suburbs, cars, and airplanes. He gains the notice of a magic cult and a secret police force that wants to end his life. The only place that he has found refuge is with the Harper family. Will he be able to keep the Harper family and himself safe with the rising danger that is surrounding them?

As a lover of anime, I am fond of a good isekai story. However, it is usually a person being transported to a magical world. In this story, Adelfried is transported to a world where magic isn’t commonly used and science and technology reign. It is refreshing to see a magical character interact with concepts from the real world. In this case, it was Adelfried being surprised by the structures and technology being more advanced than he is used to. Instead of being frustrated at all the new tech and cultural differences around him, he quickly uses his magic to adapt to the world by learning English and how to use the internet. He didn’t let the sudden change in scenery stop him from moving forward.

In Adelfried’s attempts to move forward, I found it hilarious how Adelfried first meets the Harpers. He followed Evan home and bullied his way in to sleep. Jim tries to get him out of his house, but is quickly overruled by the members of his family when they find out Adelfried can use magic and replicate money. Even though their interactions start with using each other, it was nice to see how Adelfried and the Harpers grew to rely on and care about one another. Even though Adelfried is eager to get back home to his wife and child, he has created a found family with the Harpers.

The only complaint in the book is that there were a couple of characters whose purpose I didn’t understand. The story is told in multiple points of view, which is fine. However, there were two characters in the story that got their own point of view, and it didn’t help move the plot forward. The characters were randomly put in a chapter and never mentioned again. I thought it was odd given how the other points of view were strong and enhanced the plot.

Despite the complaint, I had a fun time reading the book. It was a good subversion of an isekai storyline. I also loved that it was jammed back-to-back action and chaos mixed with found family elements. Even though the multiple points of view were a bit clunky, I felt that it was still a good read and look forward to the next novel in the series that comes out next month.

What if the Greek gods secretly controlled the modern world? That’s what we find out in Ungodly Rich by Katharine McGee. Julia has spent the last two years with the love of her life, Harry. They have been living together and having a good time until they run into one of Harry’s cousins. The cousin reveals that Harry is an Ellenes, a billionaire family that lives in New York. Harry wants to steer clear of his family, but Julia is eager to get to know them. However, Harry is holding onto a big secret. His real name is Ares, and his family is the Greek gods of myth. He knows the petty games they play, especially when messing with the lives of mortals. Will Ares be able to prevent Julia from becoming a pawn in his family’s hands?

The treatment of humans is intriguing in Ungodly Rich. In my article on Kusunoki’s Garden of the Gods, we see mutual respect between gods and humans. In this novel, there is no such thing. Gods like Hera, Hermes, and Aphrodite have no problem with using their powers on humans to gain what they most desire. The top 12 gods even have a conference every year to discuss the human affairs they want to intervene in for better or worse. What humans want is none of their concern. They only care about their own self-interests and think humans are beneath them.

Considering their thoughts on humanity, it is pretty ironic that they have family dramas as humans do. Hera is peeved that Zeus not only cheats on her constantly, but is even more mad that she can’t leave him. Aphrodite is concerned that her husband married her only for her appearance. Aphrodite is also on thin ice with all the goddesses, not only because of her beauty, but also because of the affair that she had with her husband’s brother. Hermes is family, but none of the gods treat him as such. He is treated as a messenger boy instead of a member among the gods, and has to stop what he is trying to do to answer the whims of all the gods. Despite all the money and power they have, their insecurities prevent them from moving forward.

Power is considered more important than anything in this world, and the gods exploit each other’s insecurities to gain it. They scheme and change alliances to get what they want. Hermes does this all the time by providing info to people in return for favors. He believes that his knowledge over other gods will help him gain more power. Aphrodite is worried about losing her power. All the goddesses hate her, including her mother-in-law, and she constantly schemes to make sure she is in the top inner circle among the gods. She remembers what it felt like to be a human without choices and strength, and she never wants to experience that lack of power again.

One of the things we learn from Aphrodite is that there is an inequality between men and women even amongst the gods. Ares and Aphrodite have an affair. Ares runs away to escape the fallout, but Aphrodite stays behind and suffers the ire of everyone involved on her own. When Ares comes back, he is accepted back with open arms, but Aphrodite is still considered the black sheep. She and Ares were both involved in the affair, but she is the only one who gets the blame. Women are always held to a higher standard even when they are a goddess.

Overall, I thought the story was great. It put a new spin on the Greek myths and made it entertaining by having several different points of view. The gods have their own drama, insecurities, and gender inequality as humans do. It makes you wonder if, in future books, the gods will realize that humans are not as inferior as they like to think. It is a good book to binge on a weekend.

Thank you NetGalley and Crown Publishing for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

Ever wondered what happened to the final girl in films like Scream and Nightmare on Elm Street after it ends? That is what you get in the novel The Final Girl Support Group. The novel follows a group of girls who are victims of massacres and are dubbed final girls in public. They meet monthly to discuss their trauma. During one of the monthly meetings, the girls find out that one of their members, Andriene, was murdered. All the girls are affected by this, but one of the girls, Lynnette, thinks this is the beginning of something sinister. Can Lynnette get the girls to prepare for a potential threat, or will the girls think Lynnette’s paranoia is getting the best of her?

Is Lynnette’s paranoia and fear in the book a good reason to doubt her sanity? That is a thing that the audience is left to figure out throughout the book. Lynnette has never moved on from her trauma. She doubles her tracks to make sure no one is following her. She makes sure to notice her surroundings so she knows where all the exit points are. She has turned her apartment into a cage where no one can get in. She has cameras to monitor her environment and a bulletproof door. Her best friend is a plant. She constantly keeps track of her attackers to make sure they don’t break out and come after her. She nearly killed one of the girls in her support group who came to check up on her. She kidnaps a girl, thinking that she is the only one who can protect her. Since Lynnette reacts purely based on emotions, it alienates her from the girls in the support group and the group’s therapists. It is hard to root for a character when you are constantly questioning their perception of reality.

Speaking of believability, the book raises the question about women who are victims of violent crimes. New evidence came up years later regarding Lynnette, and another support group girl’s (Dani) attacks. The evidence suggested that Lynnette’s actions led to the massacre against her family and herself, and Dani was accused of killing the wrong person in self-defense. Even though the new evidence came from questionable sources and was not heavily investigated, the girls’ victimhood was thrown out, and they are immediately treated as villains. It illustrates that women tend to be easily discredited when it comes to violence against them. Often they are thought to have brought the crime upon themselves, or there is a question of their sanity.

Should a victim’s sanity be questioned? That is something that the book explored with the character of Chrissy. She was part of the group meeting with Lynnette and the other girls, but left the group early on because she never saw herself as a victim. She not only worships the killers of various massacres, but she buys murder memorabilia and has created a museum in her house to display her trophies. Her boyfriend is even a killer, and she supports her endeavors wholeheartedly.

Despite Chrissy’s behavior, she is representative of quite a few women in reality. Recently, there was a guy convicted of killing the CEO of United Healthcare. Despite his crime, he has a loyal fanbase of groupies that support him and hope he will beat the charges. It is not just him. Various serial killers throughout the ages have received this type of treatment as well, with people collecting memorabilia from the various murder scenes.

There is a morbid curiosity about killers in our society. In the book, all the girls have slasher film franchises based on their trauma. In real life, the true crime genre is very popular. Slasher films and true crime shows give the audience the thrill of danger in exploring the mindset of a killer in the safety of their own environment. The interesting thing in both the book and in real life is that the killers tend to be remembered more than the victim, to the point where the killer is idolized, whether it is a real or fictional killer. It is hardly ever discussed what happens to the victim afterward. Does the victim find help to deal with the trauma, or does their life just fall apart? Does the victim live constantly in fear, or do they rise above the trauma and reclaim their life? Those would be more interesting to focus on than the exploration of the mind of a killer.

I found this an intense read. It explores our fascination with horror, especially when it pertains to murder, whether it is real life or fictional. I like that it showed the women fighting against the monsters that caused their trauma. Society tends to remember the murders more than the victims. I like that the novel took the opposite approach and focused on what happened to the victims. Some can reclaim their lives while others spiral downward and live in constant fear. Our protagonist, Lynnette, learns that letting her fear and paranoia control her actions has gotten her into bad situations, and that if she wants to move forward, she has to let go of those feelings.

This month, we have discussed our hidden selves through several lenses. First, in Himouto Umaru-chan, we see Umaru present herself differently depending on whom she is talking to. It mostly shows how it is okay to have people who only have access to certain parts of ourselves. It’s a part of respecting our boundaries and the access we give to others. In Narcissistic Traps, by Sharelle Ellis, we see how people hide themselves for malicious reasons. We see bad actors trying to lure their victims into a toxic relationship. However, what if there was another reason to hide ourselves? What if it was done in a sense of protection? That is what is explored in the novel James by Percival Everett.

James is a reimagining of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, told from James's perspective. In the story, James finds out that he is being separated from his family and sold to another slave owner. While this is occurring, Huck fakes his own death to escape his abusive father. Both, scared about their fates, go on the run together down the Mississippi River. The difference between this novel and the original book is its examination of duality: how James really is and how he performs to the expectations of his white owners.

In the novel, we see that James and the other slaves in the area know how to speak, read, and write standard English. However, when they are around white people, they speak broken English and pretend that they are dumb and superstitious. James and the other slaves do this as a form of protection. Being themselves could get them in trouble with their white owners. For example, when James held Judge Thatcher at gunpoint, his first question was not about the gun or sparing his life. He wanted to know how James knew how to read and write. That scared the judge more than anything because it goes against his belief that slaves are stupid, and it intimidates him to know that slaves can learn.

The difference between James from Himouto and Narcissistic Traps is that the latter two have a choice in hiding their true selves, whether it was for good or bad intentions. James doesn’t have that option. James was sold several times to different slave masters, had to watch his friend get raped by an overseer, and watch a slave get hanged for giving him a pencil. James hated that these things happened, but he couldn’t intervene because it would have gotten him killed. Slaves didn’t have rights or were even considered human. Despite wanting to be himself, he was still considered property to other white people, and society never let him forget that. Even with the story ending with the start of the Civil War, James has little faith that slaves will be truly free if the North wins.

I want to say that James should have hope that things would be better in the future. However, I can’t really say that with a straight face. As much progress as we have made as a country, we have been regressing for a while now. I am a woman, black, and disabled. However, in today’s society, all of those things are threatened. As a woman, my birth control rights have been taken away with the overturn of Roe vs. Wade and the difficult access to certain contraceptives. As a black person, I see that there is a narrative in the government to make slavery not seem as devastating as it was, and the erasure of diversity and cultural reading at schools, even at the college level. As a person with a disability, I see the government trying to overhaul Medicaid and reduce the amount that people get from SSI. It is scary to see all the things that I am being threatened in this way. I wonder if we can ever get back to the point of being ourselves being enough, or if that was just a fallacy to begin with. In the spirit of the book, do you think it is possible to be ourselves in today’s climate?

What if humanity is the real monster of the story? That is the question that is asked in Someone You Can Build a Nest In by John Wiswell. Shesheshen is a shapeshifting monster living in an abandoned manor. She feeds on the villagers of Underlook. While hibernating, three human monster hunters attack her. Shesheshen eats the leader of the group, while his minions run off. To Shesheshen's great dissatisfaction, she is injured in the process by a bolt drenched in rosemary (poisonous to her species). Shesheshen disguises herself as a human to try to sneak into Underlook and feed among unsuspecting victims. However, the monster hunters from before spotted her and caused the villagers to chase her into the night. Shesheshen lost her footing and fell off a cliff. She awakes to find a woman, Homily, taking care of her by offering her food and tending to her wounds. Will Shesheshen resort to killing her newfound savior, or will she learn that humanity might be the greatest monster of all?

I think when people think of monsters, they think of the boogey man, vampires, and demons. However, Shesheshen discovers an unexpected monster. Shesheshen finds Homily’s kindness very enchanting and wants to always be near her. As the two become closer, Homily reveals her deep secret: she has been continuously abused by several family members. Her sister, Epigram, used to carve scars into Homily’s neck, and her sister Ode and her own mother verbally and mentally abused her. The entire staff knew that Homily was being abused constantly, but no one stepped in because they feared Homily’s mother. Shesheshen discovers that humans can be quite monstrous to each other and wants to protect Homily from her abusers with everything she has.

As with any monsters, their victims who survive are not just left with physical scars, but emotional and mental scars as well. Shesheshen watches as Homily shrinks herself in front of her family and allows herself to be a mental and literal punching bag. Shesheshen fights for Homily however she can in front of her family. However, Shesheshen realizes that Homily needs to fight back in her own way as well. One of the things that I liked in the book is that it never suggests that abuse victims can always be healed. Shesheshen realizes that it takes patience, listening, and offering support whenever the person needs it. She realizes that Homily won’t automatically be fixed, but she knows that Homily will get to the point of healing and vows to remain with Homily throughout the entire process.

While Homily is processing various aspects of her life, Shesheshen is considering things about herself as well. Does she follow her monstrous instincts? That is something that Shesheshen deeply considers throughout the book. The more that Shesheshen gets to know Homily, the less and less she wants to kill her. However, her body is getting in the way. Shesheshen’s species reproduces by planting its eggs in humans and watching the hatchling devour its host. Shesheshen thought that was normal until she realized what that would do to Homily. Shesheshen realized that she didn’t want Homily to die. She wants to build a life with her, and doesn’t want her instinct to ruin that.

In regard to building a life together, Shesheshen and Homily have different ideas when it comes to romance. Usually, romances in these types of stories are heavy with lust, desire, and sex. While both Homily and Shesheshen value being physical insofar as being near each other and touching, they are not interested in the other physical aspects of the relationship, like kissing and sex. It illustrates that people are in charge of what romantic relationship they want to have. They don’t have to follow the norms. They just need to be true to themselves.

Overall, I really did like the novel. It really makes you think about what a monster truly is. Through Shesheshen and Homily, we learn that not all monsters are obvious. While some monsters can change for the better (like Shesheshen), we need to learn how to protect our boundaries from monsters that relish in their cruelty towards others. Protecting your peace is more important than trying to change a monster into a decent being. Change can only happen if the person wants it. In the spirit of the book, I have the following question: Is humanity the greatest monster out there, or is there something else more sinister?

In Himouto Umaru-chan, we learn that hiding yourself can be used to protect your boundaries. Narcissistic Traps by Sharelle Ellis taught us how people hide their true selves to lure someone into a bad situation. In James by Percival Everett, we learn that hiding your true self is a form of protection. What happens if someone uses all of the above reasons to hide their true self? You get Assassins Anonymous by Rob Hart.

Our protagonist Mark has been a retired assassin for almost a year due to a tragic accident he caused. He attends an Assassins Anonymous ( a 12-step program for reformed killers). Mark is pretty content right now with the program and his cat, P-Kitty. However, his old life catches up with him, and he is attacked. Seems there are some people who are not happy that Mark is not in the assassins’ business anymore. Mark flees through multiple countries with a target on his back. Who is after him, and how can he fight back without losing his sobriety to not kill people?

The novel explores the concept of self in several ways. Assassins are encouraged to have boundaries with everyone they meet in order not to accidentally expose themselves. The agency preferred people who didn’t have any type of relationships. Mark realizes it is a lonely business until he meets his girlfriend, Sara. He wants to tell Sara everything about himself, but he is scared. What if she flees when finding out that he is a killer? It is a question that a lot of people ask (not the killer part). People often wonder if sharing all parts of themselves, including the bad stuff, can cause people to run away. Mark knows that Sara loves him, but he doesn’t want to risk anything to threaten their relationship. He thinks that he is protecting her, but it backfires when the truth is revealed too late.

There are quite a few people who hide their true selves to get Mark back in the assassins’ business. Their deception causes Mark to resort to bad habits again, which he so desperately tried to avoid. It shows how tempting old habits can be when you engage in them again, and Mark has to debate whether falling back into these urges again is worth his sobriety or not.

One of the things that I found interesting about the Assassins Anonymous meetings is that none of the participants could reveal what their code names were when they were working for different agencies or governments. Part of it was so that they would lose attachment to their past lives. However, it serves another purpose. Mark learns that the reason was a safety issue. His code name is Pale Horse. Without knowing the other people’s codenames at the meeting, he doesn’t know which people he has crossed paths with under his code name and whom he made enemies with. It is a difficult situation because he likes this group of people, but telling them about his identity could not only end the relationship between members, but also get him killed in the process. It makes Mark wonder if he can fully trust anyone.

One of the biggest questions that the book asks is whether it is realistic for a retired assassin not to be able to kill someone, especially if this is in self-defense. Mark struggles with this throughout the book. While he is running, he often wonders if it would be easier just to kill the people who are after him. He wavers between wanting to use non-lethal weapons and using weapons meant to kill. It is interesting because a lot of people struggle with the same question. Many people would say that taking a life in self-defense is okay because you are protecting yourself, but others will say that you don’t have the power to choose between life and death for an individual. Honestly, it is a question that I have gone back and forth on as well. I’m not sure what the correct answer is, and I’m not sure there is one.

Overall, I really liked the book. What I have learned from this book, along with Himouto Umaru-chan, Narcissistic Traps by Sharelle Ellis, and James by Percival Everett, is that hiding your true self is a grey area. When in a relationship with others, you want to be able to share a piece of yourself, but how much is enough? Should it be everything, little bits and pieces, or nothing at all? It is an interesting question because it will vary from person to person. After engaging with these different media, I believe that it is up to the person to decide how much is too much to share. You are the one who will be dealing with the consequences, whether it is good or bad, so you get to direct the way the relationship is going.

What if the person uses different faces with bad intentions? That is what is discussed in the book Narcissistic Traps: Breaking Free From Abuse, Gaslighting, Trauma Bonds, and the Patterns that Keep You Stuck by Sharelle Ellis.

The book explores how abusers hide their inner nature to get their prospective victim to trust them. They pretend to be interested in their targets’ interests and strengths and then proceed to use those things against them. The scary thing is that the abuse is not always visible. It starts as off-handed comments played out as jokes, questioning your judgement briefly, and ramps up to where it becomes constant, monitoring your movements, saying they are concerned, and isolating you from friends and family because they don’t understand your relationship. They do this because they want control. Victims don’t often realize what is happening to them until they are fully in the midst of the storm.

The book is presented as a survival guide. It gives you advice on how to know if you are in a toxic romantic relationship, how to leave and protect your boundaries, and how to rebuild your life after the trauma. It doesn’t promise that the process will be easy, but that it is possible to survive. I was hesitant about reading this book. Not only was this outside my normal genre of books I tend to read, but I have never been in a romantic relationship. How would I find this book helpful? The thing about abuse is that it doesn’t just happen in romantic relationships.

I was reminded while reading the book of a friendship that I used to have in school. There were warning signs that I thought were weird at the beginning of the friendship. They knew my class schedule even though I never told them, and were always waiting for me after class. Then, they would want to spend several hours on the phone every day. I told my parents this, but they didn’t find it concerning. Then, the friend started getting mad because I had started making other friends at school. Their response to that was to badmouth me to my new friends and run them off.

I realized that I was being isolated and argued back with the person, but then they would send notes saying how lonely and depressed they were, and they didn’t want to lose my friendship. I always fell back in line even though I was finding the situation scary, because I was basically responsible for a person’s happiness. Fortunately for me, they made a pivotal mistake. We went to a religious school, so we often said prayers during class. One day, I found multiple people that I didn’t know coming up to me and asking if I was okay. After about the tenth person, I asked what was going on. I was told that my so-called friend had done a prayer solely about me being deeply troubled and needing guidance. I believe this was an attempt to shame me, but it had an opposite effect. I don’t like it when religion is used to weaponize people. I find prayers sacred, and that attempt at shame finally gave me the courage to break away.

I wish this book were around back then. It would have saved me from a manipulative person and having to start over with making friends the following year. This book can be used in any relationship you have, including friendships, family, co-workers, neighbors, etc. If you believe you are in a toxic relationship, give this a read. It can help you see the red flags in your current relationship and even help you see why previous relationships have gone wrong.