A Kingdom of Frost and Malice: Crowns of Magic Universe

I really wanted to like this! the world building, characters and storyline have everything it needs for success; however, the writing reads like a first draft. The entire story, you're being told instead of shown what's happening and it gives the story a Wattpad like feel.

For example, there's one line that says: “Thanks to his flaming-red hair, I found him quickly” instead of something like “With hair the color of coming embers, his shined like a beacon in the night in a sea of brunettes and blondes. Thus making the option of getting lost almost negligible.”

I feel like this has all the makings it needs to become a successful fantasy series if it just went through a few more rounds of edits and reviews.