Across The River And Into The Trees

It's like a December-May version of the movie Before Sunrise. Except instead of Ethan Hawke, you have a bitter ex-General (now Colonel) in the US Army with some sort of terminal cardiac condition. And instead of Julie Delpy, you have a young, selfish, stupid/naive girl (or at least one who acts stupid and naive). The relationship between the two is so skeevy that you can imagine that some reviewer came up with the word just to describe this. Okay, so it's actually nothing like Before Sunrise in that it's very talky and the couple spends the time bouncing around a European city.

There's practically nothing redeeming about this novel – there are flashes of Hemingway's brilliance. Occasionally – very occasionally – the couple's dialogue is dynamite. The conversations the Colonel has with a portrait of the girl are almost completely superior and more interesting. You have sentences like

The Colonel breakfasted with the leisure of a fighter who has been clipped badly, hears four, and knows how to relax truly for five seconds more.

Seinfeld