Assistant to the Villain

Enjoy my 2,600 words review on this book. My title is Who Cares! Says the Author.


If RAWR XD had a physical embodiment, it would be this book

I'm tempted to leave my review at that, considering that truly sums up how I feel but I took many notes while reading this so I'll share my thoughts down below:

Apparently this is a “TikTok” book? I've never been on TikTok, and I think I had only heard of this due to the GR awards. However once I finished this book and looked into how it got published it suddenly made a lot of sense mainly in how its written.

Elaborating: We have a relatively strong prologue, and towards the middle and end there were a few scenes I also enjoyed. The writing being confident, with a finality of what was supposed to happen in those moments while the other 80% was written without that similar assuredness. It made a confusing reading experience and when I dug into it all, I can't help but make an assumption that the author in her TikTok videos had certain scenarios or dialogues planned out in her head and when a book deal came her way, she frantically wrote the rest just to tie in her key favorite scenes. It's disappointing as I truly believed this could of ended up something fun and unique in it's own way but got overshadowed by so much from the lack of direction within in.

Lack of direction in the tone, lack of direction in the plot, lack of direction in characters...

Too many points in the book and I swore I was reading a middle grade, young adult. Nothing wrong in that but I was marketed something differently. I spent my money and more valuable as a reader, my time to read this did I not? It's an obtuse intricacy of when or if it matters and to how much it matters if it does matter in regards to how books are being marketed as of late. I remember when romance and erotica books were tucked shamefully on just a few shelves in the dim lit corners of Borders and Barnes and Nobles. Girlies are in resurgence of contemporary romance, creature smut, bully romances, fantasy romances... I love this for us!

But, I am annoyed to a certain degree in how I'm supposed to determine if a book is for me if it's marketing is valued in various levels of misdirection.
- Adult? Yeah the characters are adult age, but the characters have no qualities about them that even give a whiff of being adult.
- Spice? No, none. Every “intimate” (intimate being an absurd term considering what this is) moment is written with childlike innocence.
- Fantasy/magical? Um, a weird take on it, sure. You get next to no world building. No sense of the region, or general politics - and it wasn't described as a high fantasy I am aware, but it gives nothing. Things just are. Magic is the same. It is what it is. Where do people in this place (????) go or typically do when born with magic? Are they assigned special roles in society? Who cares, says the author. Who exactly is the King? Who cares, says the author. How does the Villain manage that castle full of people and interns? Get his money? Have magic shooting out of his hands? WHO CARES, says the author.

Tone and Writing of this book: Adults can be funny without being a childlike impersonation. That had to be one of my biggest gripes within this. Humor is subjective and I especially think it's a feat for written humor to come across well. As I was reading this, 99% of the humor was handled like how a young kid jokes about “naughty” things. And if not a direct joke nearly all thoughts and words are just what I'd expect a kid to say as well. Examples following, and PLEASE know I'm roughly paraphrasing from my notes, not pulling direct quotes.


Evie at work and she's tit for tatting with her co worker Becky and says “are you aware of the office pixies using ink to make portraits of their rear-ends?” Evie fell again at some point, some point being roughly one page in between from the last time she fell eye roll!! and Villain sees her on her hands and knees. Evie instantly thinks along the lines of “he sees me doing some weird version of leap frog” In other adult romantasy's we'd of had something obviously sexier, but I digress because obviously these are children I'm reading about. Evie is talking to the Villain and something gets brought up where the words “Vulnerable Places” is spoken aloud. And Evie acting terrified over anything remotely sexual like a twelve year old caught googling the word ‘sex' says to Villain: “Not that I'm thinking about your vulnerable places!” Evie is talking to the healer Tatiana, (what is the difference in magic used or born with that differentiates Tatiana's healing magic or Villains grey mist magic hands? Whoooo Caaaaares, says the author) and Evie brings up that she had a dream about Villain. Tatiana asks in some variation of “ooOOOooo was it dirty?” And the Villain comes in ofcourse when Evie confesses to Tatiana that her dream of Villain was dirty. She then flusters about and says “it was dirty. Like dirt. Mud” Another Evie falls situation, this time from her chair (All she does is fall), and Villain asks if she wants to see Tatiana and she goes “no I wouldn't want to subject Tatiana to my war with the chair” The word “nincompoop” is used often. Evie in, yep you guessed, another falling scene and Villain breaks her fall, he asks her “can you ummm please dismount me?” What do you mean dismount? You're a horse,Villain? It's awkward language.

Continuing on with the writing, you'd think being the assistant to the Villain we'd get to see Evie involved in straight up wild times with murder and fight/action scenes and not just day in and day out filing papers, starting accidental fires, and falling every 2 seconds? You'd think that we'd get more description of the level of violence our Villain pursues in but it's often kept quite short like “severed heads hanging from the ceiling” and thats all, folks. She's involved in none of it. Outside of a couple scenes later on that we are kindly granted a couple paragraphs of seeing the Villain be a you know, Villain, we are straight up deprived of a good plot. Or any plot for the matter.

The mystery over who is trying to harm Villain sent me into small fit of rage. I'm going to delve in spoilers here. Don't read if you don't want spoilers. If I did this right the spoiler should be covered, and the rest of my review is spoiler free.

At the end scene where we find out the traitor is her father but yet it's written like Evie is discovering this herself the same time we are just for the dialogue of “I knew it was you father” afterwards is frustrating. We had some sentences and snippets when she's with Tatiana and Clare that some of the things they're pointing out is ringing bells for Evie, but a less amateur writer would know how to trust their readers more into providing foreshadowing and allowing us to kick our feetsies in stirring in who the culprit could be, which would make turning the pages that much more exciting. Instead by foregoing this it's just endless pages of “there's a traitor in our midst” “we need to find the traitor” “I am no closer to who it could be” I know theres one more scene in the beginning when Evie says “my father once worked for King Benedict is that a problem?” But that isn't something a reader could hold onto in my opinion, when so many scenes with Evie is almost always mentioning her sick father. Or talking to her sick father. You paint a picture this clear, that Dad is just an innocent dying man who raised his two girls after their mother killed their brother, with no other hints or conversations within her time with her dad... The end result is not a gasp! What an exciting plot twist! The end result is ugh. Way to give us nothing. I was irked.

There's a chapter somewhere in the middle where Villain is talking about how much Evie helps at his castle. That Evie is so integral to everyone around her. She had a voracious knowledge and problem solving skills and was an excellent schemer. It was shocking. Shocking because we never see these things. There was a 5 month time jump after her first meeting Villain, and when we're back in the world she's... just a mess. We don't see her do anything that is skillful. We just get the aftermath of her telling the Villain “Ok I did it!” So to make me read a chapter about this apparently brilliant in the background mastermind to your people and plans, is jarring. I would of loved to be a part of the action, and see Evie's mind turning the gears on figuring out how to exact plans, or her interacting with all of these other co workers that all are positively affected by her working there. She's bickering with Becky, awkwardly awkwarding with Villain, getting healed by Tatiana, or dealing with Blade, the Massacre Mansions resident Himbo. It was flabbergasting as to all of Villain's confessions of a smart, conniving, cut throat Evie. Wish I knew her.

Last thing in my notes regarding the writing: There's a couple scenes of arguments with Evie and Villain. And the 5 month time jump after the prologue really amplifies the disadvantages of doing that within these scenes.

Evie in response to being any level of hurt and upset with the Villain makes it appear like Villain owes her what a boyfriend would, yet she simultaneously acts strangely oblivious to the notion that Villain probably likes her a bit too. In these scenes she literally starts crying, and runs away! Or stomps off and has a tantrum like an actual baby has a tantrum, swinging her fists.
I'm really supposed to believe you're 23 years old? Interacting with a 29 year old man? It's weird.

Am I supposed to find these people... endearing? Funny? With the author, I have no clue where the line is in consideration to “I'm well aware of the intentions I set out when writing this book and it's a joke within a joke that my characters are in their 20s yet have the emotional capacity of a rock and problem solving skills of mashed potatos” like was this written as an inside joke, a little side nod that there's a purpose of none of it making sense? Or is the intention the cringey not ironic line of “I'm quirky and cooky! I do silly things! I'm just not like other girls!”

Ugh. Moving on to Characters.

Evie:In my notes I wrote “Evie is very childish and she alone deserves all the criticisms in the trope of damsel in distress” I could not agree with myself more smirk

Formula is repetitive of She Falls, He helps her. She Falls, He helps her. She gets injured, He Helps her. On and on this merry go round we go! And it sucks because this trope has it's audience and I'm usually quite a fan.

However with Evie, I was exhausted. She could not go a single second of her life without falling, getting injured, accidentally starting fires, etc etc. It took out all the romantic tension for me. Using this as her main personality trait, stripped away any good “hurt/comfort” scenes or legitimate saving her scenes. If only she could fall, hit her head, and wake up a completely different person!!!

I could tell that the author very much loves romances where something happens to the Heroine, like has a bruise or is sick, or someone hurts her and then we get endless descriptions of how the Hero is still and quiet and Heroine mistakes the cue of him about to lose his mind over his girl being hurt as a “He doesn't like me!! I made him angry!! Oh no!” And again, I'm usually a fan of this too but this mixed in with Evie being.. Evie, it sucked. Overdone and overused!

Any time another character hinted at the signs that the Villain liked her, it truly went over her head. The book just moved on to a different scene. Next to zero reflection on why Villain goes out of his way to do the nice things he does for her, or all the times he shows worry or concern or fear regarding her. Juvenile, again, in that way. Evie's headspace is nearly identical to YA romance girls. Full of self loathing and doubt.

Villain: It's mainly just: Looks at Evie uwu she cute. He's bland. While the book hints at all the evil things he does, Villain is portrayed as All Talk and No Action. There's multiple instances of him sharing the happiness or glee he feels when he is murderous, I mean, a guy who likes to decorate his castle with heads should be pretty twisted minded? Nah, reading from his POVs was realization that the man is soft. Like, soft serve ice cream soft.

And overall, I wasn't bothered by waiting to hear why he didn't like King Benedict. And when we do find out right at the end, I just shrugged my shoulders. I figured as much that it would be something like that. It wasn't over the top dramatics but it was enough to make sense as to why someone would want revenge. It felt like a grasping at straws situation because you go 300 pages of hinting and hinting at such a fraught situation just to end it on that, like, okay. Sure.

Lyssa, Evie's little sister: She's fine. She's around. Likes to skip school.

Clare, Villains sister: I... Whatever. She doesn't do anything. She's just angry.

Tatiana, the healer: I wouldn't be able to tell her apart in a line-up.

Blade, the animal Himbo: He's weak willed and minded. He did one right thing in fixing a mistake but all his time with his dragon (A dragon! Wow! Can we know more about the mystical creatures in this world? Who cares, says the author) is truly inconsequential to everyone and everything. He's just there to chill with dragon.

King Benedict: If he was in the aforementioned line up with Tatiana, I also couldn't tell him apart. Like who even is this dude?

Arthur Arnold Arthur Arnold WHO CARES SAYS THE AUTHOR Villain's Dad: I don't know what came first, Arthur or Arnold but wow! is that an oversight in editing if I ever saw one. What is the name of Villain's father? Don't worry over it, just remember our motto!

Evies Dad: when I realized I should of DNF'd this book

Kingsley a frog with a crown:wasn't actually impressed but still probably the only fun thing about this book

Becky:like all the best caricatures of people, she's outwardly rude, but don't worry she's just protecting herself cause tRaUMa!

I'm officially done. This will go down in history as my lowest point as a reader, that I opened up a words document to type out a review for this book. However....


...If I get a comment from that one person going around leaving passive aggressive remarks for everyone who leaves a low star rating review for this book, I will have made it as a Goodreads reviewer.