Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

'This book is a gift! I've been practicing their strategies, and it's a total game-changer.' Brené Brown, PhD, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller DARE TO LEAD This groundbreaking book explains why women experience burnout differently than men - and provides a simple, science-based plan to help women minimize stress, manage emotions and live a more joyful life. The gap between what it's really like to be a woman and what people expect women to be is a primary cause of burnout, because we exhaust ourselves trying to close the space between the two. How can you 'love your body' when everything around you tells you you're inadequate? How do you 'lean in' at work when you're already giving 110% and aren't recognized for it? How can you live happily and healthily in a world that is constantly telling you you're too fat, too needy, too noisy and too selfish? Sisters Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., the bestselling author of Come as You Are, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of overwhelm and exhaustion, and confront the obstacles that stand between women and well-being. With insights from the latest science, prescriptive advice, and helpful worksheets and exercises, Burnout reveals: * what you can do to complete the biological stress cycle - and return your body to a state of relaxation. * how to manage the 'monitor' in your brain that regulates the emotion of frustration. * how the Bikini Industrial Complex makes it difficult for women to love their bodies - and how to fight back. * why rest, human connection, and befriending your inner critic are key to recovering from and preventing burnout. Eye-opening, compassionate and optimistic, Burnout will completely transform the way we think about and manage stress, empowering women to thrive under pressure and enjoy meaningful yet balanced lives. All women will find something transformative in these pages - and be empowered to create positive and lasting change.

Forced myself to make it half way but couldn't stomach the rest. Got sick of hearing about how all my problems are the patriarchy's fault. Least helpful self-help book I've ever (half) read.

One to pick up from the library, I think. It started out strong for me, but consistently lost momentum and logical structure. I literally had to make myself an outline to make sure I hadn't missed some major ideas meant to tie things together.

The bit describing really concrete stuff you can do to purge a stress response from your body was great. It's also super helpful to be reminded that one must deal with the stress separately from dealing with the stressor - they don't necessarily have the same solutions.

The stuff about expectations, frustration, positive reappraisal, and generally dealing with the stressors (as distinct from the stress) was pretty good. Also having content about deciding when to quit - helpful.

Then the structure of the book kind of petered out and we got a mix of chapters about stuff that's generally good for people: Meaning, rest, human connection. I feel like pretty much everyone knows this stuff.

I felt personally similar during the chapters about how the patriarchy causes extra stress for women. Some revolutionary content here for women who haven't gone over this ground, but I'm pretty confident now in my relationship to Human Giver Syndrome and the Bikini Industrial Complex, so while I nodded along, it didn't add a lot for me.

Finally, we get a section about how everyone has a personal Mrs. Rochester in her head and you have to make friends with her or feel compassion for her. I didn't understand this or connect with it at all. The meaning was really foggy to me, not well explained.

I also have to give a demerit for over-the-top cutesiness expressed in constant references to Disney movies (CONSTANT), and silly made-up words that seemed to have little to do with sincere communication and all to do with ostentatious quirkiness.

Still, I'm glad I read it just for the first few chapters, and the occasionally gems thereafter!

I picked this up on a whim after someone mentioned it in a recent convo. I knew nothing about the book or the authors and was pleasantly surprised by it.

However, I think it's for a very specific type of target market. It is directed only to womxn. It's written very casually, with humor, and clearly intended to be relatable. It's a fun read, with stories of two composite women sprinkled in. It discusses science, includes notes, but it's not clinical. But I think the reader already needs to understand the basic gist of some of the societal issues around gender and patriarchy before reading this.

I'm seeing from other reviews that many people are not understanding where this analysis is coming from. It's not a simple thing to analyze the root causes of why society is the way it is, and it requires an open mind, introspection, and the ability to see some really unpleasant stuff. If this is your first exposure to these ideas (i.e. if you're a woman uncomfortable with the word feminist), this may be a bit of a shock. It absolutely ties into burnout, yes, but on a much deeper level than what's expected by most readers.

I feel like I would recommend this to people who are already familiar with these ideas. The authors have tried to make it accessible, but I think it's going to be too much for, say, a conservative-leaning woman who attends a church where only men are allowed to lead, and she's never actually thought deeply about why that is. There's just so much to unpack here. Women in these situations are explicitly taught they can't trust themselves and they're going to dismiss this book outright as soon as they see the word “patriarchy.” I'm not sure what book I'd recommend there, other than to start with just learning about your own self-worth and capacity to be a whole human separate from any required roles you think you need to fulfill. This is absolutely the Human Giver concept they discuss in the book; that is the quintessential Christian housewife, and even if you don't identify with that, if you're American you live in a country saturated with those ideals.

So if you're a womxn who calls yourself a feminist and need to be reminded about some of the core issues and things you already know you should be doing I'd recommend this. It's just not about solely “burnout” per se. It's about what's behind your own expectations for who and how you have to be in this world, and it asks you to consider whether these absorbed ideas are helping or hurting you.