Cold Nights of Childhood

— what does it mean, to rest in silence?— to be in love with death, sister. thoughts of death chase after me. day and night, i think about killing myself. my reasons unclear. to carry on with life, or to die–either will do, a vague disquiet, nothing more. troubled thoughts, pushing me towards giving suicide a try. then i want to be in love again. he has the bluest eyes. it turns into a passion. i pour into it all the love i have ever felt for others, all the love i have in me. it's as if i'm living all my loves, past and present, with this one man.