Columbine

Was not a fan of the writing voice or jumping around. Just as I'd get invested in a part of the story or time line, the writing jumped to a different person and place in time. It was frustrating.

Cullen makes some leaps that I think are a bit overboard, such as detailing inner thoughts of the killers that he could not have known, or motivations behind actions that were never voiced or penned. It creates a fictionalized story that is aggressively sold as 100% true, as the most thorough and correct of all the books on the subject. Much of it is speculation and should be very clearly presented that way. Honestly, it's an excellent persuasive essay aimed to convince the audience of a specific view point. It's accomplishing that goal superbly.

The biggest issue I have is with how much blame Cullen shifts from Dylan to Eric. It's uncomfortable how much he favors Dylan and seems to almost defend him compared to Eric. Cullen left out or didn't explore some pretty terrible things Dylan did and said. He frequently brushes off some of the things Dylan wrote and said as parroting Eric, because of Eric, or even going as far as to say Dylan didn't really mean or believe it. There's just no way to know that, and it's confusing why he doesn't take Dylan's words seriously but claims Eric meant every word he said and wrote.

I absolutely agree that Eric could potentially be a psychopath, but we will never know for sure. However, it sure as hell doesn't mean Dylan wasn't just as sadistic and monstrous simply because he was also depressed and suicidal. Hell, Dylan talked about doing “NBK” with a female student months before Eric referenced NBK himself. Dylan referred to himself as god, talked about going on killing sprees, and laughed while killing students. Why Cullen didn't address these things or didn't feel they give us a real window into who Dylan is, I'll never understand. He went aggressively after Eric, and rightfully so. I can't fathom why he took almost the exact opposite stance on Dylan.

I got my hands on the new epilogue, written years after the book was originally published, and Cullen directly addresses his bias without calling it that. He says, “I realized later that I was grieving for Dylan, too. What a sweet, loving kid. Most of his life. That shocked me, but I didn't grasp how it tormented me. Lost boy, we could have saved him. I see now that I always felt that way, even when I hated him—I just didn't know.” He wrote his book while grieving for Dylan. It's almost like he views who Dylan became as something Dylan didn't choose for himself, but something Eric did. It clearly affects how he interpreted the worst of Dylan's writings and actions.

Cullen also takes issue with people who still push the bullying theory. I understand his frustration. People want to say Eric and Dylan specifically targeted bullies, that Columbine only happened as retaliation against people who relentlessly tormented Eric and Dylan. We know it's highly unlikely to be the only or primary contributing factor. It's pretty well known that they were bullied, but the extent is not well understood by anyone, including Cullen. Both mention retaliating against people who treated them badly (in their minds), and I think that's all we have to go on, since survivor recollections conflict. What is clear is that they hated everyone in the end. Understanding how their life experiences shaped that hatred is just as important as understanding their mental health issues. They work in conjunction with one another, and they always will. We need that to be the focus of the conversation, not the argument over if they were bullied/how much/did they even care. Cullen stamps on that argument and goes full speed to the other end of the spectrum. As with most things, my guess is the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

I found the most interesting part of this book to be how the entire massacre and subsequent years affected Cullen. I wish he had written from a first person perspective the whole time, not just in the epilogue, and included his own thoughts and journey in chronological order as he learned the facts. It would have been extremely interesting.

I don't know how to rate this book. It's interesting, heart-wrenching, and thorough. It's an easy read in the sense that Cullen uses very simple sentences and language. Your average reader will find it very accessible. However, I feel so uncomfortable with the things I mentioned and didn't enjoy the writing voice (half due to the audiobook narrator, half due to Cullen's word choice) or frequent jumping around. I don't recommend this book to anyone who won't read it with a critical eye for bias. For now, I'm leaving it unrated.