Controlled Burn

I won't recap what goes on in this book because the blurb is pretty accurate and others have done a better job at summarizing so I'll just say that this was a punch to the gut and later a nice cup of tea to soothe the pain. I loved it.

This is mainly Joel's story, but how could I not fall for Paulie. He's a man after my own heart:

“‘I'm okay,' I told Paulie. He shrugged, settled into his seat beside me, and arranged a pile of sticky notes and different-colored highlighters.”

I have all the the highlighters!

I felt deeply for Joel and Paulie and there wasn't a false note in the depiction of their emotions. Paulie is lucky in that he's had his aunt Ruth as an anchor, but poor Joel has been navigating without a map long before Diego's death and the dissolution of his family, when Paulie comes along he's pretty much defenseless:

“I couldn't fight it anymore. And it wasn't the punch to my stomach like I thought it would be. It simply was. It didn't matter that I was so fucked up over Diego. It didn't matter that I hadn't wanted anyone except Diego before, not truly, not ever –I definitely wanted Paulie. It didn't matter the the thought of letting someone in was terrifying. Or that Paulie and I were mismatched sexually. Or that losing someone else would absolutely wreck me. I wanted him, and I couldn't contest such a losing battle anymore.

Of course it turns out there's more to Paulie than swish and perceived frailness. He's strong, patient, and wise. He's everything Joel needs and doesn't think he deserves.

Erin McLellan is a ‘new to me author'. She does an excellent job using the geographical landscape to reflect the characters' inner lives: the prairie and the vast open spaces which after the burn can offer new growth and shelter. Paulie and Joel are both ‘refugees' from less than ideal families and backgrounds who together are able to forge something new and perhaps better:

“This meant something. And maybe it was because I had slept with so many faceless men, or maybe it was because I had locked down my emotions for so long when it came to sex, but until Paulie, I had forgotten that sex could mean something. That making yourself vulnerable for another person was a gift, not a perfunctory stepping-stone to orgasm.”

I think the progression of the relationship was perfectly paced, including the bumps in the road. I really appreciated the honesty of how Paulie and Joel's family issues were left. There are no magic cures in life and more often than not people are going to be who they are and choose who they will put first. It's life. It sucks. It's real.

Now I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Travis' story. please come soon