Falling into Oblivion

The bones of a good story but brought down by poor writing. This was highlighted for me as I had just finished Mystic River by Dennis Lehane. Lehane is a master of prose and very definitely a hard act to follow.

The book opens with a chase on foot through the city. The author tries to convey urgency and danger with complicated sentences and his grammar fails him. It's not a good first impression.

For instance, the narrator, a copper, is chasing a suspect and is referring to himself in this sentence. "Pushing forward and closing the gap, the lights of street vendors and stores blur past my vision." The grammatical subject here is 'the lights of the street vendors', not the narrator. Such clumsy grammar continues through the book.

Two sentences later we read, "Hologram advertisements dance and pulsate above autonomous vehicles designed to promote the latest thing you need to buy." Once again his grammar fails. This sentence tells me that autonomous vehicles are designed to promote the latest thing. I know that is not what he means but it is how the English language works. It is as if the author does not know how to maintain the grammatical subject through a sentence.

Both of these examples are only three or four paragraphs into the novel. And sadly such clumsy writing continues through the book. Add to this the constant use of heavy handed adjectives, I suspect for the purpose of conveying drama, and reading the book becomes tiring.

However, let's move to the story itself. Set in a dystopian world I imagine is inspired by the movie Blade Runner with a bit of cyberpunk added in, the narrator, Sol, a police officer is trying to close a case. He's pursuing a suspect through various layers of the city, from desperate poverty to the ultra rich. Body modifications are the norm for many people, some legally allowed but others most certainly not. Some of his adversaries are fully human, some of them modded to the point of being machines, and very dangerous machines. As the story unfolds Sol finds that his initial suspect leads him to levels of society that have unlimited influence in the city. Is the whole society compromised by these links to the ultra wealthy?

The story moves rapidly and Sol rushes from one crisis to another. Through it all his motivation is to provide for his wife and daughter, who are always on his mind. The author is keen to show Sol as a man of integrity with family as his prime concern. His behaviour, however, is less constant. I'm prepared to say that as an Australian, I'm not the best judge of character or actions of a US police officer. He jumps too suddenly from being calm and reasoning to volatile and chaotic for me to appreciate him as a person.

Finally, this is the debut novel of the author and I always want to support new authors. The book is let down by his prose and it could be improved with a good editor. The story has potential and if this is indicative of the imagination of the author then hopefully his next book will show some maturity of language and form.