Fix Her Up

I haven't read a TON of romance because I definitely had some outdated impressions of what ~romance novels~ were like, but in recent years I've dipped my toe in the genre thanks to carefully curated suggestions from trusted pals! But I picked this one out for myself because I saw a review in PW or something that mentioned it was a fake dating story between a birthday party clown and a forced-into-retirement baseball player, and I was like, sounds hilarious, sign me up!

It was....kind of funny? I kept reading (ok sometimes skimming) until the end mostly because I did really like Georgie's character, the party clown. But Travis, the ~alpha male baseball player~ was GROSS. And he was supposed to be on a ~redemption journey~–as a pro athlete he'd gotten a bad reputation for sleeping around (his media nickname is “Two Bats”, the other bat is his dick) but honestly by the end of it....still gross.

Also it was STEEPED in this gross patriarchal thing where Travis was friends with Georgie's older brother and they're all VERY concerned about the bro code violation and how her brother is going to hit Travis for getting with Georgie because like, obv Georgie is her brother's property. GROSS. STOP IT.

There were also just a lot of wildly implausible things in here, and not even like implausible in the fun way like “secretly a prince” but like, Georgie named her vibrator “Dale,” which...do any real women do this?? Doubtful??? But then–very early on before they are fake or real dating–Travis finds Georgie taking a nap and when she's half-asleep she murmurs, “Where's Dale? I need Dale” and Travis is obv SUPER JEALOUS >:( that she has a man named Dale in her life that he didn't know about. Like??? Really?? Another time she just straight up FORGETS TO PUT ON A BRA before she leaves the house?? (I gather this might be an actual thing for those with smaller breasts but Georgie allegedly has big ones! I have NEVER IN MY ADULT LIFE forgotten to wear a bra outside the house.)

anyway also Georgie is a 23-year-old virgin which, fine, and so part of their fake dating arrangement is that they're not going to have P-in-V sex but they fool around. OK. But then she gets her legs waxed before a fake date (because the papparazzi are there bc Travis is famous-ish, which, sure I buy that) but then they have THIS DIALOGUE:

“Question one. You wax this pussy for me?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Correct answer. I'm going to worship this thing next time we're together.”
“See? Romantic gestures. You're already a pro.”
“I'm a rookie at virgins and fuck, while we're on the subject, you're closed up around my finger so tight, I'm probably never going to look your father in the eye again.”

later on..

“Where are your panties? Forget I asked. You should never keep this covered when it's just you and me. Ask me why.”
“Why?”
“Because if I'm not licking it, I'm going to be figuring out a way to spread your thighs so I can.”

ew grosss. Also he always calls her “baby girl” which she seems into but ewwww

There's also a B-plot of Georgie leading a women's empowerment group called the Just Us League which I liked in theory. But also, yikes Travis.

Anyway clearly this author does something for a lot of readers but I couldn't get over how gross this dude was to me!! eeew

PS did unlocking Travis's tragic backstory make him any less gross to me? nooo