Golden Boy

I think I'm finally willing to admit that I have no interest in finishing this book. It keeps staring at me from my Goodreads home page and I keep saying to myself I'll finish it, but why? So I can make myself feel better about actually finishing a book? I don't need to do that. There are thousands and thousands of amazing books out there that I can finish and love and not take THREE MONTHS to finish (or not finish, as I have decided to do).

This is not a bad book, but it just wasn't for me. It tells a very interesting story and I was fascinated at the beginning, but as it went on, I felt it started to drag and things just got a bit annoying, to tell the truth. I only had 20% or so left to read, so I think I made a fair dent into it, and I'm just not bothered about completing at.

“All I ever wanted was to be perfect. That sounds like a pretty big ask, but ???perfect??? means bland, inoffensive, likeable. I wanted other things too. I did want to stand out, be smart, be nice, but I tried so hard for those things that it wasn???t really like I was asking anyone for them. Really what I wanted was to be something more than the sum of my male and female parts.”

I appreciated this was a new story for me – a story featuring an intersex character. However, my frustrations significantly marred the experience.

Before I get to my gripes: As is almost always the case, I'm glad I read this book. It furthered my understanding of being intersex and expanded upon knowledge I'd gained reading about trans issues. A lot of kids are born outside of the perceived norm, with ambiguous or otherwise “unusual” genitalia, and yet most people are so ignorant of this. If we all knew more, it might change the conversation when we talk about what makes someone male or female. God or nature doesn't always fashion a baby to be one or the other, body development and brain development are separate, and so how can a bar stool philosopher opine that the matter is clear cut?

Anyhow...

Max is intersex. He is both male and female. I use the male pronouns because he and everyone else does. He is sexually assaulted early on, with the rapist using his female anatomy. The book is about the emotional and physical repercussions of this, as well as what it does to Max's perception of himself and his family.

The book employs multiple POVs, most felt unneeded. Also, since I felt such antipathy for Max's mother, even with her mental processes, I'd say her POV was unwanted, and really lowered my enjoyment. I believe the author, admirably, wanted Karen – the mother – to be sympathetic, but I just could not arrive at a place where she didn't make me grit my teeth.

One of the POVs is the doctor Max meets when he goes to get help after the assault. Being England, Max's clinic trip had a lot less red tape than had the book been set in America. All the medical aspects throughout the book followed suit. The problem with the doctor is she seemed to exist to explain the intersex aspect and to brush right up against betraying confidentiality when the failings, sometimes passivity, of the characters left the story at a crossroads. The doctor never felt natural.

Another POV was a potential love interest. No real complaints there, except the general sense that most of the voices were similar.

Yet another POV was Max's younger brother, Daniel. This kid was something else, mostly in a good way. While he would be trying to live with, he was also bright and funny in a book that needed a little humor now and again.

???Poltergeists are real,??? he mumbles from behind my hand. ???No they???re not.??? I frown at him. ???And neither???s Santa.??? ???Ouch,??? he says, and half-laughs, even though this is totally inappropriate because it???s disrespectful to the memory of Santa, who was real when we believed in him.

Ultimately, I spent the whole novel frustrated because the parents could see their kid was in distress and did nothing concrete to alleviate it. Their POVs were filled with thoughts of love, about how you'd do anything for your kid, but no one worked to build rapport, create a situation conducive to Max laying down some of his burden. When Max does make the first tentative steps to reach out, the mother instantly burns any bridge to communication, making wildly ignorant assumptions, and further traumatizing a child in pain. Any question she asks is then in the context of shame, judgement, and antagonism.

Max is established early on as a sweet and accommodating kid. Eventually, some of this is attributed to seeing from an early age the consequences of stressing out his mother. Which means he is prone to masking his pain, keeping secret his plight. And so with neither parent seeking to do more than handle the practical stuff, leaving the emotional and psychological dimension largely unquestioned, I pretty much just wanted to scream. Again, the doctor had to just about betray confidentiality to get Karen to give a second thought to her assumptions. And Karen is allegedly a successful attorney.

So, this is how I ended up at 3 stars and wanting to yell at some fictional characters.

tw: rape of a minor, transphobia, homophobia, abortion, misgendering, lack of autonomy, drug use, vomiting, suicide attempt, emotional abuse

genuinely wtf was this shitshow of a book? this was written by a cis person right? how on earth was it nominated for a lammy and lauded on it's release?

so this book opens with an intersex teen being rped by their cousin. I should've realised then that it would only be downhill from there. literally everyone in the mc's life mistreats him because he's intersex. everyone is either so uninformed that he ends up feeling like a freak or just treats him as a medical marvel and wants to be ridiculously nosy as to what's going on with his anatomy.his parents suck, his brother is transphobic, his cousin is disgusting, his girlfriend isn't great, he just has no one in his life who is advocating for him.his parents make medical decisions on his behalf without his know-how or consent?? as a result of the rpe he becomes pregnant, which then leads his parents to believe he's gay and/or a girl. not once does it occur to them that it might not be consensual even when he protests that he's a straight dude and that's how he wants to identify. he's never listened to and his agency is taken from him time and again. his doctors break confidentiality, his gf and friends disclose private information about him to others. I just can't put into words how sorry I felt for the mc and how I wish this book was never written in the first place.