H is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald

When Helen Macdonald's father died suddenly on a London street, she was devastated. An experienced falconer, Helen had never before been tempted to train one of the most vicious predators, the goshawk, but in her grief, she saw that the goshawk's fierce and feral temperament mirrored her own. Resolving to purchase and raise the deadly creature as a means to cope with her loss, she adopted Mabel, and turned to the guidance of The Once and Future King author T.H. White's chronicle The Goshawk to begin her challenging endeavor. Projecting herself "in the hawk's wild mind to tame her" tested the limits of Macdonald's humanity and changed her life.

I found Helen's writing style to be beautiful and loved hearing about the journey of grieving she went on while raising this Hawk. I found the described moments of grief to be deeply relatable for me and moving. And even cried at the very beginning of this book.

What really knocked down the enjoyment of this book for me was all the parts about White. Honestly I found all that talk about his books and how badly he raised his Hawk to be pretty boring and weird. Especially all that talk about his tortured life and repressed sexual feelings. I'm not really sure what that had to do with the authors personal story of grief or of raising a goshawk. I had to fight myself to keep from skipping his parts every time they came up.

As someone who also works with extremely dangerous and deadly animals (my two house cats), this memoir really resonated with me.

I didn't dislike this book, but it felt like it could have ended after 100 pages and been just as good. And as many others point out, the constant comparisons and stories about T.H. White seem odd and mostly out of place.

DNF at 25%.

This book is like a college paper. You have to write a certain number of pages but don't have enough material. You start to add unnecessary words just to make your page count. You ramble. You pull in random unrelated topics. You add fancy words to make it sound impressive.

That is this book. “I love gosshawks. Gosshawks** are beautiful. Gosshawks love to soar. They are hard to train. I collect books on gosshawks. T.H. White wrote a book on gosshawks. He was a sad confused man. Here's his whole life story. I'm including all of that to make my page count. He didn't know what he was doing with a hawk. I love gosshawks.... “ you get the point.

Yes, I see it's the author's way of coping over the loss of her father. I hope writing the book helped her get through it. Maybe she pulled herself free by the end of the book. This was just not the book for me.

** I listened to the audiobook version, so I'm uncertain of the true spelling of gosshawk. The audiobook narrator did a wonderful job. It was only due to her reading that I made it as far as I did.