H is for Hawk

Sometimes a book finds you, rather than the other way around. H for Hawk was a book I'd been aware of for a while. It seemed to be a cross between misery memoir and a potted biography of TH White, author of The Once and Future King. Which sounded a bit odd. It won prizes, garnered acclaim. But still I held off. Having some Christmas money left, I bought it on a whim. I'm glad I did.

H for Hawk is an astonishing book. Helen Macdonald, lecturer and experienced falconer, recounts a tale of loss and grief in the aftermath of the sudden death of her father. Knocked sideways she decides to buy and train a Goshawk, a notoriously difficult hawk to train, and channels all her hurt, loss and despair into this complex relationship.

At the same time this book is a short biography of the troubled TH White, who also trained, or tried to train, a Goshawk, back in the 1930s after his time teaching at the public school Stowe. White was a troubled man and his methods were suspect, but he learned as he went. That he sabotaged his own efforts at every turn was part of his character. Macdonald's research into this man parallels her own struggles with her hawk, Mabel.

But it's Macdonald's journey from loss and grief to acceptance and healing that is the real story here. Her relationship with the hawk is brilliantly chronicled. The hawk becomes her world and the bond she forms with it eventually helps her come to terms with the death of her father.

It is superbly written and at times deeply moving. Reading this makes me want to take up falconry and reread The Once and Future King!

Just before Christmas I lost my mother so perhaps that colours my judgement, perhaps not. But I'd urge anyone who has experienced loss to read this book. It is one of the best thing I have ever read.