he Fateful Adventures of the Good Soldier Švejk During the World War

In Malá Strana, there is a good cafe, the Kavárna V Sedmém Nebi. Where I, the chaplain, and his batboy enjoyed a minor weekly dalliance. The barman served grog, but it was an inferior specimen, so we kept to the pils. It was here on a sticky summer evening that we encountered the pleasant and noble Jakub. Jakub was a wallet maker, he created careful and cunning leather instruments comprised mostly of horsehide, with linings of silk. His care and precision did not translate to his progressive but violent views on the excesses of consumption. He was an ardent supporter of the Extinction Rebellion, a virtuous to some, villainous to others, cadre of rascals and rapscallions who have done much to oppose the global machine.

Yes, thank you, another round is in order, yes, and four Borovička, one extra for my friend here, who does good business with his dogs, or, when legally obligated to discuss and disclose their breed, mutts. He surely would appreciate the juniper berry. As I was saying, the noble wallet artisan incited with some, according to manyfold layers of Austrian bureaucracy, unsavory fellows and nearly ended in the gaols. He was fortuitously spared from this degradation by the ineptitude of two winged transit couriers, who instead of delivering the news of his crimes and pending incarceration to the Czech authorities, succumbed to their earthly desires, falling into a honeypot.

These courier pigeons were considered by the seductress's breeder to be in excellent form, and entered into three races. The pair of birds finished fourth in their first race, homing to Tunis in a mere three days. They eventually ended up facing down the Belgian fancier Janssen's dreadful bird, La Belle Janis, in a heat that nearly cost the lives of all three birds but eventually ended in both triumph and tragedy on Cyril Viktor Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel's fourth-story balcony in the 12th arrondissement of Paris.

Unfortunately, or fortunately if you are Kees Janssen, Cyril's faithful purebred - not a word I use lightly - St Bernard consumed the two exhausted birds in a celebratory and slobbery manner as Mr. Emmanuel searched for his bottle opener. We can consider the passing of such elegant creatures for the greater good, as this was the day Mr. Emmanuel decided, with much alignment from Ms. Emmanuel, to cease his excess in alcohol that had been plaguing their household. This sobriety is why Jakub has now created a wallet of such ingenuity that no one will ever forget their bottle opener again, as he has fashioned one directly into one of his exquisite portefeuilles!