Why is the gap so great between our hopes, our intentions, even our decisions-and what we are actually able to bring about? Even when we are able to make important changes-in our own lives or the groups we lead at work-why are the changes are so frequently short-lived and we are soon back to business as usual? What can we do to transform this troubling reality? In this intensely practical book, Harvard psychologists Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey take us on a carefully guided journey designed to help us answer these very questions. And not just generally, or in the abstract. They help each of us arrive at our own particular answers that can solve the puzzling gap between what we intend and what we are able to accomplish. How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work provides you with the tools to create a powerful new build-it-yourself mental technology.
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This title had been on my shelf for quite some time. A few years ago, while studying for my doctoral degree, a group of students to which I belong read An Everyone Culture: Becoming a Deliberately Developmental Organization by Kegan and Lahey. I enjoyed that book, and the authors made a passing reference to this one. Finally, nearly seven years after purchasing it, I got the chance to pick it up.
Generally, it did not disappoint. Given its publication in 2001, it was somewhat interesting to consider the frame through which digital connections were noted in this book. I wonder how the ways we connect now, 22 years later, would influence the writing. Fortunately, I believe the seven languages translate to today's environment.
I appreciated the interactive nature of the writing. Yes, I actually sketched out the “assignments” in my journal, using an experience at my consulting firm to explore my internal commitments and big assumptions. Doing so was a great way to engage with the material.
The first four (internal) languages came off the page sufficiently in the first part of the book, so much so that I didn't pick up a lot of extra insight from the subsequent chapter about bringing the internal languages to life. Conversely, though I felt the description of the social languages to be sufficient, the chapter about bringing them to life was particularly strong. It tied the entire book together for me, and caused my to close the back cover with a sense of satisfaction.
It's important that we take developmental books like with a grain of salt. That said, I anticipate coming back to this one. There were times reading the penultimate chapter about brining the social languages to life that I thought of my roles as a professor and a consultant, and ideas abounded about enhancing the connections I make with my students and clients. I'm excited to try those things out. All-in-all, this was a solid title, easy to read, with actionable advice that has stood up to at least the past 20 years. A good read!
