How to teach a slug to read

I needed this book since I have many slugs around my home, all of whom appear to be illiterate. I try to engage them in conversation about their latest favorite books, but they always change the subject. So I have decided to help them, gently and unobtrusively, learn to read. This book presents seven clear step to slug literacy, and so far the process has been fun and painless. We have all enjoyed our daily “lessons,” and some of the faster slugs are already reading simple text on their own. If you have slugs, I highly recommend this book. If you don't have slugs, I'm sorry. However, it seems to me the same technique might work even if all you have around your house are children.