It Didn't Start with You How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

This book has some interesting science info but I wholeheartedly disagree with how it sets healing the relationships with your parents as an absolute must have for healing. I completely agree that one should have compassion for their parents and their own traumatic experiences but that does not mean you must absolve them of their failings and their impact on you. It should not be the child's responsibility minimize their experience and to do the work their parents won't do. Healing relationships is a two way street in unhealthy dynamics. I did not choose to be brought into a family unable to properly love a child and it is not my job to say what they did and didn't do is okay. It's great to pursue healing a relationship with your parents if both sides are willing to do the work. But it is most certainly not a child's responsibility to excuse their parents failings