Light From Uncommon Stars

CW: racism, xenophobia, transphobia, parental abuse, anxiety and panic attacks

It's probably more of a 4.5.

This is another book which wasn't at all on my radar but then I read some reviews and immediately felt like this was something I couldn't miss. And I was so right.

The first thing I have to say is that this felt like something I've never read before. The way the author blends fantasy and sci-fi with raw humanity is masterful and I was left in awe. The writing in this book is exquisite, with every feeling that the author describes digging deep into our souls and leaving an indelible impression on me. The prose is raw and unflinching, and I did feel extremely sad and scared and so many other things at many points, but it was the quiet and sweet moments that make this one special. The book is also peppered with subtle commentary about the importance of found family and community - especially for queer people; the grief of displacement as well as the joy of finding a new home; and the myriad ways in which music enriches our lives.

But despite the world here spanning a galactic empire mired in a war as well as a devil trying to take back souls to hell, the backbone of this story are music and food. I have always loved singing and listening to music since childhood, but I hardly have any detailed knowledge about instruments, especially nothing about western classical music. But the way the author describes each tone in the music being played, the differences and the charms of each classical piece, the way the music deeply affects the player as well as the listener - all this just touched my heart. And the food .... that was just something. The day that I started listening to this wonderful audiobook, I also started a diet and fitness program due to which there are very few foods I'm allowed to eat. And this book just happens to be filled page after page with mouthwatering and delectable food descriptions and the sweet and savory smells and flavors. Im pretty unfamiliar with most Asian cuisine but I could still feel how delicious the items being talked about are. But the ones that left me craving and very frustrated were donuts, Cinnabon's cinnamon rolls and just any form of bread - because not only can I not eat them during this diet period, my mom would never let me touch any of them as long as I'm still stuck here at home.

The ensemble cast is just brilliant in this book. Katrina is a young trans girl runaway who is escaping her abusive home and struggling to make a new life. Her parts were very difficult to read initially because there were some graphic descriptions of physical abuse as well as her struggle to survive in a new place with very few resources, while also beating herself up about being a freak and not being normal. Her only solace in these tough times is her self taught violin which gives some escape from the harsh real world. All that changes when she is taken in by the legendary violin teacher Shizuka, who sees her as a beautiful soul capable of producing enchanting music and doesn't care about her body or gender. Together with Shizuka's housekeeper Astrid, they both give Katrina the home she doesn't have, the space to feel safe enough to explore her love for the violin as well as a future as a musician, and lots of delicious food to sustain her.

And then there's Lan and her family of unique beings. She may be a starship captain doubling as the owner of a donut shop, but she is also a mother and a woman with desires. Her developing relationship with Shizuka is a sweet slow burn, with two women who have been alone for a long while realizing that having someone along the journey of life is not such a bad thing. Lan's children and aunt are also a bunch of interesting people with different personalities, trying to navigate life away from home on a new planet, discovering more about this world which maybe behind them in technology but is vibrant and full of amazing people, but also full of hatred towards the people whom anyone perceives as the other.

In the end, this might have been a bit harsh and angsty and heartbreaking at times, but it's also a beautiful story of broken people coming together to make a wonderful life for themselves, creating new experiences and sharing their joy with everyone around them. It's a story of hope and family and community, as well as how important a part music and food play in enriching our bodies and souls. It's also an excellently narrated audiobook and I'm glad I got to listen to it.

I had to stop reading this at 80% because I just couldn't take it anymore. This is one of the most painful and unbearable reading experiences I've ever had and the thought of sticking with it for another hour just to finish makes my head hurt.

Things I liked: the cover is beautiful, and I cared about Katrina for maybe five or ten minutes at the beginning, before I slowly started loathing every second I spent reading...

The rest:

I honestly don't know where to start, so this is a rant review now I guess.

First, it was mindnumbingly boring, which is a feat considering how buckwild the premise is. You'd think a book about a trans teen finding confidence through music, with the help of a teacher who sold her soul to a demon and the daughter of an alien running a donut shop, would at least be interesting in a “what the fuck am I reading??” kind of way, but it's just unbearably dull.

I'm not usually one for “rules” in art but this book is a prime example of how sometimes there's a reason we have them. Show, don't tell is a great one!
I don't know what's special about Katrina, or what Lan sees in Shizuka, or why any of them care about anything or anyone. I'm being told constantly that Katrina is amazing, somehow, in some vague way, and Lan and Shizuka are totally in love, but nothing on the page every backs any of it up and I can't actually see or feel any of it at all. This book is filled with long, detailed descriptions of food (smells, tastes, textures, ingredients, origins, all of it) and so much violin and music talk that it borders on incomprehensible for someone who isn't a musician/violinist. I wish at least some of it had been spent developing the characters or their relationships at all.
So all that that, combined with the fact that the POV changes several times per page, randomly and without warning, made me feel very, very removed from every single character and event. Show me why I should care.

Another problem is the characters and how they interact. They all just accept things way too easily and never process or react to what's happening. When Shizuka finds out the woman she's kinda into is actually an alien she doesn't even blink, as if her hanging out with a demon on a regular basis would just prepare her for literally anything weird that might happen. When Astrid walks in on Katrina jerking off in front of a camera she just shrugs and then pretends it never happened. When Lan finds out about Shizuka's deal she's mildly upset for like a minute and then after a completely unrelated interaction they're just pals again. Their relationship never really starts or changes or gets explored, it just is, barely, mostly off-screen.

Katrina's character ended up bothering me the most, I think. Maybe she has a last-minute realization that she's not a freak and a burden somewhere in the last few pages, I wouldn't know, but every single thought she has over the course of the whole story is about how miserable she is and how much she hates herself. It may be a realistic depiction of trauma, things take time and recovery isn't linear, but from a book I just want something to happen. She doesn't change one way or the other or develop in any direction, she's completely and utterly stagnant and it was just frustrating to read. Almost 300 pages in she was the exact same person as on page 1.

I don't even know how to describe my next issue, but the writing just dissolved into borderline nonsense at times. I had to reread entire pages because I had difficulty processing what the text was trying to say. It got worse the further I got into the book but at some point my brain started leaking out of my ears so maybe random paragraph breaks and double spaces (don't even get me started on this honestly......), POV shifts at the speed of light, contextless flashbacks and dream sequences jumping out at you without warning and reading about the perfect chewiness of noodles AGAIN for several sentences just feels normal and okay to other people.

I honestly hated this book. There are others I hate more, nothing in this was personally offensive to me or anything so it's got that going for it at least, but I really can't remember the last time I felt so fucking miserable reading something. Early on I told people that it probably would have been better if this was three different books, or a storyline had been cut, or whatever, but I'm not sure anything could have saved this for me anymore. Every single thing, from the tone to the structure and formatting to the characters, is just terrible.

What an utterly miserable way to start off my reading year.........