'night, Mother

i read this years ago, when i was still in high school i think. i'm not sure how i happened upon it. there's a line that always stayed with me, and it's the very famous “Just let me go, Mama, let me go easy.”

but it's such a hard story to revisit when you reach a part of your life when you know people who feel what jessie does towards her own life–or if you have ever been through the exact same emotions yourself and realized how much you lost because of that misery.

so for that reason, idk, i feel like these stories are even a little mean-spirited, even though i'm certain the authors did not mean them to be. it reminds me of this one horrible line in that horrible book that goes like, begging a suicidal person to live feels selfish after a certain threshold is met. and i just think now: but that's not the point! that's not the point at all.

hard to reconcile these feelings :(