No One Tells You This

I found it engaging to see someone come to the same conclusion from a different angle than I did.

The idea that a full life does not require partner or offspring has solidified for me in the last five years or so, and 40 is still on the horizon, though approaching fast, so my epiphany is not as dramatic as a self-confrontation marked by a 'milestone' birthday. The author does well in outlining why, despite some recognition of how well she does alone, the idea that it could be a choice rather than an incidental state did not occur earlier: societal expectations leading to certain internalized ideas, yes, but also a busy life: career but also friends and family: friends and sister getting married and having kids, and requiring support, a mother dealing with Parkinson's and then dementia. For those who may still be weighing the pros and cons of babies, having connections to people with kids sounds like a good way to measure priorities, exposed to the day to day of life with children. Likewise the author's recounting of previous relationships, while not necessarily what I expected to read, allows the author to gain an understanding of what she does and does not want from men going forward.

The untethered travelogue, the moments to fully explore the benefits of being more or less alone, do not really manifest until later in the book, but at that point you feel that you've gotten to know MacNicol, how she arrived at the new path forward, and experience that loosening of a knot of tension alongside her. Especially considering the epilogue, I want to praise the book for its pragmatic balance. Not condemning those women who choose a more traditional life path/set of goals, not proclaiming outsized bliss at the single life, it's not always going to be a cruise, just recognizing what works for her, and leaving the door open for others who might feel the same way.

I can't say that it's a notion that didn't occur to me before reading this book; 'no one' had to 'tell me this' because it was already my reality, but I am glad it's out there for others who are still finding their way, who maybe never have had the option presented before, who have hit a rough patch and need a reminder, or even just want to be able to recommend it to others, as I wholeheartedly do.

I've already put a hold on her next book, I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself, which sounds like it might be a bit more of the travelogue/romp part I enjoyed in this book.

⚠️parent with chronic illness, dementia, mental health concerns, animal death, mention of miscarriages, stillbirth, death of a parent