Not Another Vampire Book

THIS BOOK IS A 5 STAR IN MY HEART

This self-aware heroic vampire-story parody was funny as shit.
Some quotes as evidence:

- “I thought she was mine! She seduced me with her Witch's magicks!” Slade protested,
righteously. “Her curly hair is un-Witch-like and purposefully attractive.
When I kissed her, she only pretended to fight me off. She gives mixed signals.”
- She contrived to look innocent. “Reconsidering your plan to pimp me out to
Edward Cullen?”
- To Slade, Kara didn't really exist as a person. She was simply there,
sharing his scene and awaiting his throbbing male member with her quivering
flesh.

BUT NOT ONLY THAT, IT WAS ALSO SEXY AS FCK??? I would quite literally DIE for Damien. Somehow this book - with its stupidly funny (but nonetheless, stupid) plot - HAD THE MOST AMAZING SHOW-STOPPING ONE-LINERS. & don't get me wrong, there wasn't much smut, but when there was???? I STARED AT THOSE WORDS FOR WHAT FELT LIKE DAYS. I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E.Some cute little love quotes as evidence: - “You were never my doom, Kara Lynn. Not ever.” Heshook his head at how insane that idea seemed, now. “You are my salvation.” - I have waited for you my entire life and you don't even think I exist. - “Kara Lynn, it was such a simple thing. For you, I would do so much more.” - The girl was just a means to an end, but she was his means to his end.AND THAT'S NOT EVEN ALL OF IT ?!?!?! DAMIEN IS JUST TOO DREAMY. He is sassy, funny SE-XY and perfect. The plot in this book was amusing at best and the world (with all of its unpredictable craziness) reminded me of a Where's Wally scene but dear Lord did Damien make up for it.ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED. I WILL NEVER GET OVER DAMIEN <333 o(≧▽≦)ツ┏━┓