A Memoir of Figure Skating, F*cking Up, and Figuring It Out
Ratings5
Average rating4.2
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A “piercing account” (The Wall Street Journal) of surviving as a young woman in a society that rewards appearances more than anything and demands perfection at all costs—especially if you’re an Olympic figure skater. “A riveting memoir, which details her experience with an eating disorder, depression and her high-stakes career.”—People (Best Books to Read in February 2024) When Gracie Gold stepped onto center stage (or ice, rather) as America’s sweetheart at the 2014 Sochi Olympics, she instantly became the face of America’s most beloved winter sport. Beautiful, blonde, Midwestern, and media-trained, she was suddenly being written up everywhere from The New Yorker to Teen Vogue to People and baking cookies with Taylor Swift. But little did the public know what Gold was facing when the cameras were off, driven by the self-destructive voice inside that she calls “outofshapeworthlessloser.” In 2017, she entered treatment for what was publicly announced as an eating disorder and anxiety treatment but was, in reality, suicidal ideation. While Gold’s public star was rising, her private life was falling apart: Cracks within her family were widening, her bulimia was getting worse, and she became a survivor of sexual assault. The pressure of training for years with demanding coaches and growing up in a household that accepted nothing less than gold had finally taken its toll. Now Gold reveals the exclusive and harrowing story of her struggles in and out of the pressure-packed world of elite figure skating: the battles with her family, her coaches, the powers-that-be at her federation, and her deteriorating mental health. Outofshapeworthlessloser is not only a forceful reckoning from a world-class athlete but also an intimate memoir, told with unflinching honesty and stirring defiance.
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Gracie Gold was briefly considered America's Sweetheart - a slender, blonde beauty whose athletic and artistic skills earned her two U.S. Figure Skating championships and a trip to the 2014 Olympics. Then her performances started to deteriorate, with missed jumps and falls. Gold's perceived laziness and bad attitude drew chastisement from the skating establishment. Tara Lipinski, commenting on a lackluster 2016 performance, callously remarked that Gold needed to “snap out of it.” In reality, Gold was falling apart from the combination of toxic family dynamics, depression, an eating disorder, ADHD, OCD, and trauma from being raped by a fellow skater (who is not named). Eventually, she got the help she needed, but it was too late to recapture her former glory.
Although it drags a bit in towards the end, Gold's memoir is a important reminder about the double whammy faced by women figure skaters - they have to tough it out, give 110%, AND they have to look pretty and keep smiling no matter what happens. In admitting she was a real person with real problems, Gold broke the rules and was punished for it. That she can honestly say that she still loves skating is astonishing.