Pretty is What Changes

This book touched me very deeply and I was overwhelmed by how open Jessica Queller was with her very personal experience. I'm still kind of reeling from it.

Jessica Queller was a 35 year old writer for the hit TV show Gilmore Girls when she was struck a mighty blow – she tested positive for the BRCA-1 gene mutation, which meant she had an 87% chance of getting breast cancer and a 44% chance of getting ovarian cancer by age 50. She faced the very personal decision – prevent the cancer by having a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy and oompherectomy or undergo aggressive surveillance for cancer every 6 months for the rest of her life.

Jessica and her sister Danielle, along with their father Fred, helped their mother fight breast cancer and then helplessly watched as their mother Stephanie, died from ovarian cancer. Jessica was prompted by a doctor cousin to go ahead and get tested for the gene mutation that would indicate the possibility of breast cancer. When she tested positive for BRCA-1 she was overwhelmed. Jessica began a lengthy research adventure to learn her options as well as gain strength from friends and family as she determined what to do with this new information.

At the time Jessica found out she was positive, she was single and had no children. The idea of removing her breasts and ovaries was very concerning for her – what man would want a woman who had no breasts and no ovaries? Jessica began meeting other women who had either tested positive or were in the middle of fighting their own breast cancer. She made her decision, have the prophylactic bilateral mastectomy and eventually have the oompherectomy (but first have a child or 2 – even on her own – before removing the ovaries). Jessica then wrote an Op-Ed piece that appeared in the New York Times about her mother's battles with cancer as well as her own pre-vivor battle and all the information she was able to find. She was met with an overwhelming response from women who wished her luck and felt great sympathy for her but were also amazed by the decision she had made. The decision to have the mastectomy turns out to be a good one when the doctor tells her she did have pre-cancer cells in her breast tissues. At the time she wrote the book (2008), she was still single at age 37 but was looking forward to having a child before removing the ovaries.

Jessica's courage flows throughout the book. Her fears over a future without breasts and ovaries are very honest and upfront. She does not take on the issue of cancer and surgery lightly and she did a lot of research on her own as well as had many discussions with a lot of doctors before she made her decision. She also found a lot of support from her friends and family, as well as strangers she met over the course of her journey. To me, she is courageous and brave. I don't know if I would have the strength or the courage to forge that road. She found strength on the website FORCE and she grew into a whole new person. As a single woman, I sympathized with her dating dramas and her fears of what a man would think of her post-surgery; cancer has deeply affected my own family. I found myself crying throughout most of this book, some of those tears were out of sadness (the scene where Jessica and Danielle find out their mother has died was heartbreaking) and some tears of joy (the birth of Jessica's nephew).

This is a book I would recommend to anyone, it doesn't matter if your life has been touched by cancer or not, read this book. She is fresh and upfront and honest and I found that to be so wonderful. I rarely read memoirs, but this is one that I think I could read repeatedly and learn something new from it every time.