Red, White & Royal Blue

DNF - PG 158

Why?

Because I find this book incredibly obnoxious.

Part of this is on me. I should have known I wouldn't like this book. I'm trying to treat my romance novels the same way I treat my fantasy/sci-fi (because no matter how popular it is, if a fantasy is called ‘grimdark' I will pass on it). This DNF is an effort to do that because I have a terrible habit of finishing romance novels even when I hate them. (The only one star books I've read so far this year are both romance novels.)

Okay, why did I DNF this book?

Reason #1: The millennial pop culture fandom speak.
I'm a millennial. I didn't understand 95% of the references made. I also didn't understand most of the (apparently) millennial turns of phrase. I don't talk like that. I never have. I don't know if other millennia's do or not. Side note: I've also never seen Star Wars. ... Do I lose my millennial cred?

Reason #2: Alex is an ass.
Not even a likable one. (Yes, some characters can be an ass and likable. I've seen it happen.) Somewhere around page eleven I made a Goodreads update wherein I state ‘Alex is kind of an ass.' I never liked him.

Reason #3: No rotating POV.
This is a huge pet peeve of mine. I hate it when all parties involved in the romance aren't given a pov. I passed on a poly romance because only two of the three involved got a pov. I have been known to dock a romance novel a full star just for this reason. I needed a Henry pov not just to help flesh him out but to get me away from Alex for awhile. (After reading some of the reviews, it seems that the book is riddled with inaccuracies concerning England and I can only assume that the author's lack of knowledge is why we don't get a Henry pov.)

Reason #4: The romance. Just...everything about it.
Okay, first of all, Alex and Henry get together way too soon. I don't even think they like each other much when they start having sex. Or, at least, Alex doesn't like Henry. Henry, I suspect, had a crush on Alex for awhile and he was FULLY AWARE. (Though heaven knows why.) Speaking of sex... Okay, I actually like the way the sex scenes are handled. There's a lot in the way of kissing and such before they have sex the first time and I like that the kissing is described in explicit, loving detail and the sex isn't. The sex is kind of - it's there, obviously, but it's summarized. I could tell what happened, but I wasn't feeling like ‘this is boring. Author? This isn't getting me off, though you're probably only typing with one hand' the way I feel a lot of times with sex scenes in romance novels.

Which, for me, is the only thing the romance got right. Because, really, the rest of the romance is kind of awful. Insults pass as affectionate banter - but it's not because these two, as of the point I stopped, have never been affectionate with each other so it really is just insults. In the space of little more than twenty pages, they have sex three times. ... And that's their only interactions during those twenty pages. Seriously. They meet up in Germany and all we get is about a page summary on that and all they, apparently, do is have sex.

That was the point that the wobbly wheel fell off and I decided that I was done because this is turning into one of those books that all the couple does when they are alone is have sex. I've read those type of books before. I invariably hate them.

Reason #5: Is this book supposed to be funny?
I get the feeling that, with the way people act, I've supposed to be laughing breathlessly at all the wit in the book. I was usually either cringing or rolling my eyes. I didn't find it funny, instead finding it incredibly obnoxious when it was trying (too hard) to be funny.

...

I will learn, eventually, to approached romance novels in the same critical manner that I approach all other books. Which means not just reading the book because everyone else loved it even though it offers you nothing you like (besides the LGBT+ rep, though I will say that Alex bi-realization was pretty okay, I thought) and being willing to fess up to your mistake and DNF when you realize that this isn't the book for you.

This isn't the book for me.