Riverdale #3

Can't Possibly Be Show Canon

Uhm. This is... sure a choice that was made, alright. How do I even begin to unpack this one? Let's try a list of every absurdity which makes zero sense to canon.

STORY ONE: Wild Things

1. Josie is a total speed demon who drives a very nice car recklessly with her friends inside.??

2. Josie makes Veronica partake in vandalizing a Southside band's garage with Pussycats slogans as a rite of passage (and none of them get murdered by Serpents, either, despite what we know happened to Archie in canon for vandalizing less personal property).

3. The Pussycats get matching tattoos. Veronica's is right there on her left shoulder where it would be clearly visible in the show and, more importantly, to her parents in the comic.

4. Josie and Reggie drag race on a random town road.

5. Veronica and the Pussycats go to the Wyte Wyrm. During season one era. And chow down on food and hang out in a den of Serpents totally unfazed.

6. When the rival Southside band shows up in the Wyrm to get revenge on the Pussycats who they magically know are there, they have a Ghoulie-worthy punk aesthetic and are just as far out of place in the canon Whyte Wyrm as the Northside Pussycats.??

7. Josie invites a rumble with the local Southside band - named Venom, which implies Serpent ties - in the middle of the Wyrm and not only do no bystanders intervene but these four, tiny girls somehow win the fight against two guys and two girls all bigger than them. Riiiiight.

STORY TWO: The Case of the Sorrel Roan

1. Betty actively tries to stop Jughead from writing about Jason and also insults his writing style.

2. Cheryl refers to Betty and Jug as “#Bughead” - exactly how I wrote it there, hashtag and all - as if she should know they're together at that point and accept them. But back then, she literally actively hated both of them. Hell, the previous issue of this comic had Cheryl outright emotionally torture Betty and vow to destroy her when she overcame the bullying.

3. Cheryl goes to Betty and Jug... for help discovering whether her dad is having an affair.

4. Betty is so opposed to the chance to do sleuth work that she is grumpy at Jug for accepting the case. Betty Cooper. Opposed to sleuthing.??

5. Jug is portrayed as someone who doesn't know how to stfu and be stealthy while sleuthing.

6. Betty decides to keep the truth from Cheryl once they discover what Cliff is really doing.

7. Once more, Betty insults Jug's writing style.??

8. Jug says he only drinks juice from a squeeze pouch, but he's been seen drinking orange juice in the show.

So, yeah, that's an awful lot to unpack. And since this issue once again purported that the series takes place between episodes of the show I'm rating it accordingly. None of these things could have possibly happened in character, much less between episodes of season one Riverdale. Considering how absurd the Pussycats story is as a whole and how utterly meh it was seeing Betty rag on Jug while he was portrayed as something of a lowkey idiot, I can't give this more than one star. Maybe one and a half, but that isn't an option, so... one it shall be.

Clearly, this comic series isn't for me. I think this one will be my last, since it's the last one I rented from Kindle Unlimited. I'm glad I didn't spend money on it.