The Creeper

I liked the premise of this book but, dear lord, it was painful to read.

Firstly, Shine is obviously trying really hard to write poetically and that's exactly what it felt like - trying too hard. He uses an overabundance of similes (some okay, some absolutely ridiculous) and it made the writing feel so clunky to me. We're talking two to four similes a page and including highlights such as the MC arranging cheese on his tuna sandwich ‘like fresh linen' or looking out of a window to see his neighbour's windows ‘like a glowing frame hung from a star.' Just really terrible figurative language that adds nothing to the book. He also switches to the passive voice for paragraphs at a time, which again makes the writing feel very stilted and affected.

There was no character development at all and I found that I really didn't care at all about what happened to anyone. The male characters are particularly irritating and self-absorbed and all characters are essentially one-dimensional caricatures. The protagonist, Ben (or, as he constantly refers to himself, Benny Boy), meets the female main character, Chloe, for about ten minutes before falling for her and wanting to ‘protect her', while also referring to her - more than once - as his ‘anchor'. He also talks regularly about how small and child-like she is. Ick. She, in turn, seesaws between being super fun and a fragile little girl, with no other emotions towards Ben, even when he's being a total d**k. I have to draw attention to a particularly painful exchange between them:

‘So you're going to be the next Lara Croft,' Ben said with mock earnestness. ‘Eh?' ‘She's probably the world's most famous archaeologist after Indiana Jones. I just assumed you'd modelled your life on a video game.' ‘That's a pretty bold assumption.' She smiled. ‘I doubt Lara Croft ever had to scratch through ten feet of mud with a trowel for weeks on end. But who knows, maybe if I get this PhD the university will buy me a massive pair of fake tits so I can look the part.' Ben choked a little, mid-swallow, on a crust of bread. ‘Don't make them too big,' he said. ‘I hear it's not good for your back.' ‘As if that's ever bothered you men before,' she replied, tearing off some bread and throwing it at him. ‘I reckon I'm too small to be lugging around a big pair of boobs anyway. I'll just get some booty shorts and a skimpy tank top, and stuff my bra with a few socks or something.' Ben enjoyed the imagery more than he let on.

An excellent contender for r/menwritingwomen.

The publisher is independent so I'd really like to be able to write a more positive review, but it feels like this book was published about ten drafts too early. ⭐️ 1.5/5⭐️