The Great Sex Rescue

My husband and I were both raised in environments where purity culture was prevalent. The resources on marriage and dating that were available to us when we were dating, engaged, and in our early married years were the resources that Sheila and her co-authors critique in The Great Sex Rescue.

Alarmingly, many of the most popular books on dating and marriage that are published by faith-based publishing houses contain really problematic ideas that can promote harm, prevent healing and even perpetuate abuse within intimate relationships. Just as concerning is the fact that these are the very books that are sold in church bookstores and recommended to people who are considering marriage or working through things together as a married couple. (I know that???s how we ended up with them when we were going to premarital counseling and they were being recommended to us!) These teachings are the ones being taught to married couples in church settings. I spent my teenage and early adult years hearing pastors spread the harmful ideas from those books in pulpits.

I am grateful that I married a good and wise man who saw through the lies those books were telling and that I never bought into them myself (I realize just how privileged I am to be able to say that), but I have also learned from Sheila???s book about just how much of an impact those kinds of teachings can have on marital relationships, even when we don???t believe the untruths. The harm that is being done to marriages within faith-based settings by books like those mentioned in this one is, frankly, chilling and abhorrent.

Throughout the book, Sheila and her co-authors discuss the results of a large survey (over 20,000 participants) with some very interesting results. They break down which types of teachings, language and ideas found in the critiqued books leave room for harm and abuse in relationships and discuss how they were able to observe the effects of those teachings on relationships via the survey results and interviews they conducted as part of their research. The data presented throughout the book is compelling.

There is also a heavy focus on truth-telling and re-framing narratives to help readers understand how to reject harmful teachings and promote healthy relationships instead.

My husband and I read this book together, had many really great discussions about the information presented therein, and would both highly recommend it to anyone who is either married or considering marriage. We also both agree that this book should be required reading for anyone in a position of leadership within a faith-based setting. It is definitely worth picking up a copy.