The Sidewalk's Regrets

This book is... I'm not even sure how to describe it. Raw, visceral, at times vulgar in ways which perfectly fit the subject matter. I don't know how to explain the things it made me think and feel, though of course I'm about to try.

To start, however, I will say that I'm extremely torn on the fact this is presented as Young Adult literature and aimed at teens. On the one hand, it contains things which would easily get a movie the R rating in the US. On the other hand, it's a topic which is very real to far too many teens and one which shouldn't be treated with kid gloves. But on the mysterious third hand I seem to have grown for the sake of making an extra point, I'm not sure if I feel that the way this book handles topics of drugs, sex, drinking, lying, and addiction is necessarily the right approach to take when marketing toward teens. It's almost romanticized, almost glorified, and I think the biggest reason I get that impression is the many, many chapters dedicated to drug use and deception vs. the rushed handful dedicated to recovery and moving on. (Not to mention the way everything is tied up in a neat, little bow and Sacha ultimately considers the worst fall of her life to have been experience which improved her musical talents and style.)

Do I think that this book should have shied away from details? Nah. Do I think it should have cut down on the drug use? Quite contrary, actually; I felt that the spiral from casual usage to addiction shouldn't have been summarized in a couple paragraphs and instead should have been covered more to give a more realistic glimpse into the way drugs grasp onto a person and drag them down into addiction without them even realizing before it's too late. My complaint is more that I wish a more comparable amount of time had been spent on recovery; as-is, the ending feels rushed and therefore not as satisfactory as it otherwise could have been.

Overall, this book was... a peculiar experience. I like the story it set out to tell and I like the gall this author has in deciding not to shy away from topics like these in teen literature. In a sea of romanticized, abusive relationships, we need a more realistic take on teenage lust-turned-“love” and the message that even the most straight-laced of kids can fall into addiction given the right circumstances is not a bad one. I just really didn't find Sacha and Dylan's love to be all that believable, myself.

Well, no, it was believable at first. In fact, I thought it was very cute how Sacha fell into a crush so easily because she liked the music Dylan played. I just didn't like how this crush and hint of lust became “I love you!!!” in a couple of weeks and “I would simply die without you!” in a month. It was toxic and creepy and kept me rooting for the relationship to fail at times because it just weirded me out how quickly they were obsessed with each other when all they seemed to have in common was a mutual love for music.

It doesn't help that the thing they had in common is also the thing which kept me skimming, glazed-eyed, every time it came up in the book: talk about music, how it sounds, how it works, how to play it, etc. I'm a listener of music, not a performer or a writer of it, thus it went a bit over my head (or simply bored me) at times.

Then there was Sacha. I actively dislike her, and that began after the first handful of chapters. She's the worst kind of selfish person: the kind who thinks she's selfless because she doesn't like taking full advantage of others but has no trouble deceiving, manipulating, and using others while complaining about how they're all so selfish the second their lives stop revolving around either her or the plan she thinks their lives should follow. Throughout the story, she left a wave of destruction and hurt in her wake and often said and did contradictory and hypocritical things to the point it had me wondering if perhaps the author herself was creating plot holes rather than just portraying how wishy-washy Sacha is. Even now, I can't decide whether to fault the character or the author entirely, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

I will say, though, that I suffered through my grievances with Sacha because I wanted to see how the story ended. I wanted to see what happened - and especially how Dylan handled his addiction problem (for that reason, I feel a little cheated by the ending but also glad that we do get a glimpse of how he fares).

Sacha... frankly, she could have been eaten by a shark and I wouldn't have cared, not after the insensitive, ignorant, and stupid way she treated her boyfriend with regards to his addiction. Not only does she not help him, but she attacks him the second he relapses by accusing him of loving heroin more than her. And then... she decides to shoot some smack herself for the sake of "understanding" why he "loves it more than her." And then she gets mad at him for using. And then she decides she understands and actively encourages him to fall back into addiction when he's trying to make an effort at getting clean. Then she decides to be angry at him again for using. And then she decides that it's okay so long as they're doing it together... many of these things within a couple paragraphs of each other. She never actually helped him - no matter how much credit he ultimately tries to give the heartbreak she caused - and instead abandoned him entirely without a proper "bye, it's over." Because that's Sacha McLeod: use up the things which benefit her then throw them away when a new whim comes along then cry about missing the things she threw away. Rinse and repeat.

In the end, I can't say that I regret reading this book. I can't even say I disliked the story. I can definitely say I disliked the narrating character and having to view the world through her eyes, but it didn't deter me enough to make me quit reading. And ultimately, there are absolutely people like Sacha in the world. There are whirlwind romances like hers with Dylan. I imagine it's fairly common amongst teens to mistake the thrill of enjoying someone's talent as loving them, or think the burning touch of lust is actually eternal love. But unlike so many books aimed at teens, this one takes that kind of love and shows just how toxic and dangerous it can be - then, at the end, makes it explicit that what was felt wasn't true love after all. For that, and for tackling the topic of drug addiction, I think I have respect for this book.

Would I read it again? Probably not. But the characters will stick in my head for a while, I believe, and the story made me feel an entire gamut of emotions.

((Full disclosure: I received a free copy of this book through BookSirens. This review is left voluntarily and is not incentivized.))