The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

About the book: The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem shows us that building confidence in ourselves is a just matter of taking a few simple steps. Healthy self-esteem is something we can achieve not just as individuals, but in our relationships and communities too.

About the author: Nathaniel Branden is an American psychotherapist and writer. He has written numerous books on the topic of self-esteem, such as The Psychology of Self-Esteem, How to Raise Your Self-Esteem and The Power of Self-Esteem.

My highlights:
Self-esteem is the immune system of consciousness, essential for performing at your best.
Self-esteem is the immune system of consciousness; it provides strength, resistance, and the ability to regenerate. Just like our immune system, self-esteem is innate, and we need it to handle life's difficulties.
Self-esteem is about fighting for your right to happiness and facing challenges with confidence.
Self-esteem really comes down to something quite simple – we all have a right to be happy. From this, it follows that high self-esteem sees us assert this right and take steps to achieve it. On the other hand, when we let our right to happiness be overridden, we have low self-esteem.
Our view of ourselves strongly determines how we respond to challenges – this is the power of self-esteem.
The first pillar is the mind-set and practice of living consciously.
If we want to improve our self-esteem, we must first start living consciously.
Living consciously means simply being willing to distinguish between three facets of perception: facts, interpretation, and emotion.
Living consciously isn't just a mind-set – it's a practice too. We've got to keep seeking information from our environment, and adjusting our actions accordingly.
The second and third pillars of self-esteem will teach you to accept yourself and take charge of your own happiness.
Self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-esteem. The first two are so bound up in the third that it's a little hard to see the difference – the fact that they share the same prefix doesn't help! But the difference is clearer than you think. Self-acceptance and self-responsibility are things that we do so that we can increase our self-esteem as a result.When we choose to value ourselves, we're practicing self-acceptance, the second pillar of self-esteem.
If you don't accept yourself as you are now, you'll never find the drive to improve, as you'll spend all your energy agonizing over your shortcomings.Self-acceptance also goes hand in hand with taking responsibility for ourselves. The practice of self-responsibility is the third pillar of self-esteem. It entails taking control of your existence, and your happiness, by being solution-oriented. This means asking the following question whenever a problem arises – “What can I do about it?”
The fourth pillar of self-esteem is self-assertiveness – this entails standing up for yourself, which is more difficult than you might think.
This subtle fear of asserting our rights is actually quite normal. It comes down to the following instinctive thought processes: “If I express myself, I may provoke disapproval,” or “If I affirm myself, I may provoke resentment.” This mind-set is a direct obstacle to building our confidence, but we can counter it by adhering to the fourth pillar of self-esteem: self-assertiveness.
To be self-assertive is to simply openly be who you are. And to practice self-assertiveness, you need the conviction that your beliefs are important.
The fifth and sixth pillars are living purposefully and practicing personal integrity.
How do you want to live your life? Many would say “with purpose and integrity.” As it turns out, these two qualities are also vital pillars for healthy self-esteem.
As we build our confidence, it's essential that we first take responsibility for our goals. By asking yourself what you want and where you want to go, you've already started to take the fifth pillar of self-esteem, living purposefully, as your guide. But that's not enough. You have to continue to monitor your own progress.
Our self-esteem depends on making our actions match our goals. But it also entails making our behavior match our words, or having personal integrity.
Parents and teachers have a central role in nurturing a child's self-esteem.
Parents can make it both easier and harder for a child to develop self-esteem.
Successful companies foster high self-esteem in their employees.
One simple rule is to give employees feedback that builds on their strengths. This makes them feel good about themselves and more confident about facing future challenges.Leaders also play a big part: they can nurture high self-esteem by, for example, constantly finding new ways to stimulate innovation and creativity in their organizations.

Final summary
The key message in this book:Self-esteem is a fundamental human need that makes us better able to cope with life's difficulties. To achieve self-esteem, draw on the six action-based pillars. These are the practices of living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully and personal integrity.