The Terror

be me, caulkers mate cornelius hickey, after serving with distinction among a variety of his majesties vessels, I decide to set sail towards the arctic, despite of peril, in pursuit of scientific advancement. Like the rest of the expedition, I die, shivering, starving, but loyal to the crown and my mates. I gaze down from heaven every few years to check what's happened. A new book written about the expedition, splendid, and I play a central role!

The author of hyperion has thrown a dart at the crew manifest, and came up with me, cornelius hickey, as the psychopathic, murderous, cannabalistic, pederast, ‘sodomite', ‘leprechaun', ‘goblin', manipulative, ‘shark-eyed', mutinous, genital mutilating, torturing, conniving, sexually predatory and all around laughably evil smeagel-looking villain.

Then another dart was thrown, and Captain Crozier got to bang an hot ‘esquimaux' chick whose breasts were described several hundred times, and live forever, have a beautiful family, that's so raven, and finally found fulfilment - free of his previous vices and the shackles of ‘civilized life'. Happy ending xoxoxooxox