The Way I Used to Be

i read this almost in one sitting. i listened while i read along physically & wow. i understand why some people didn't like this but i personally loved it. i felt very seen with edy. it hit so unbelievably close to home but in a way that wasn't triggering which is... so weird? i'm definitely going to read book 2 because i am rooting for edy to get justice. i also hope josh is in it. i want to put him in my pocket & protect him all the time. 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: 
bullying, slt shaming, sxual asault, graphic rpe recounts, acohol & dug consumptions, strong themes of trauma 

censoring tw's so storygraph doesn't hate me

This book surprised me. I didn't think I would enjoy it much because it is a YA book, but I was pleasantly surprised. I thought the author dealt with the topic of rape in a sensitive, yet honest manner.

The main character of this book, Eden, is raped in her own bedroom by her brother's best friend, who is four years older than she is. It is brutal and traumatizing. She does not tell anyone out of fear, and the event has lasting, negative effects on her. It alters her attitude and personality, changing her from who she used to be into someone even she doesn't like. It impacts her relationships with everyone around her because she cannot trust anyone. It is sad to see Eden's struggle. It is even frustrating at times because there are people who love and care about her, but she does not see past her pain and distrust.

This book made me cry at times because I felt so much sympathy for Eden. The book is emotional and poignant. I would highly recommend it.

Oh my heart!!! The end of the this book is so utterly heart breaking and powerful, I knew it was going to be a tough read with the subject matter but I did not expect just how moved I would be by this.

This follows Eden who was raped by her brother's best friend when she was 14. The book follows her throughout the rest of that year and the following 3 years of her school life. We see how this event affects her, changes her, moulds her into someone else.

This story is raw and emotional and disturbing, it's also incredibly frustrating to read because you just want her to speak up but you can see why she can't. You watch her descend into acting out, sleeping with people to hide the pain, drinking and drugs, but you just want her to be okay!

One thing I especially loved was the characters, I loved Eden's friends and her family (even when they were giving her shit) - loved knowing her support system would be there when she was ready to let them in and following her through that journey.

And also, Josh. I love Josh. I'm so salty that they didn't end up together in the end, but on the other hand I also like that she didn't need him to “save” her and “mend” her. She knows she has to do that herself.