How Three Women Caught America's Biggest Catfish
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Average rating4
Part memoir, part explosive window into the mind of a catfish, a thrilling personal account of three women coming face-to-face with an internet predator and teaming up to expose them. In 2011, three successful and highly educated women fell head over heels for the brilliant and charming Ethan Schuman. Unbeknownst to the others, each exchanged countless messages with Ethan, staying up late into the evenings to deepen their connections with this seemingly perfect man. His detailed excuses about broken webcams and complicated international calling plans seemed believable, as did last minute trip cancellations. After all, why would he lie? Ethan wasn't after money - he never convinced his marks to shell out thousands of dollars for some imagined crisis. Rather, he ensnared these women in a web of intense emotional intimacy. After the trio independently began to question inconsistencies in their new flame's stories, they managed to find one another and uncover a greater deception than they could've ever imagined. As Anna Akbari and the women untangled their catish's web, they found dozens of other victims and realized that without a proper crime, there was no legal reason for "Ethan" to ever stop. THERE IS NO ETHAN catalogues Akbari's experience as both victim and observer. By looking at the bigger picture of where these stories unfold - a world where technology mediates our relationships; where words and images are easily manipulated; and where truth, reality, and identity have become slippery terms - Akbari gives a page-turning and riveting examination of why stories like Ethan's matter for us all.
Reviews with the most likes.
This is a twisty, turny, crazy ride. Like Anna, I really wanted some answers like “why?????” But I like the afterword and the sociological breakdown it provided, even if the answer never came from the perpetrator.
I'm glad I listened to this because it reads as a play by play of years of intense psychological manipulation and emotional abuse (which is particularly triggering if you have a history of dating emotionally and verbally abusive monsters, no matter what form they manifest in).
This book is frustratingly unbalanced. There needed to be about 100 fewer pages about Anna, Gina, and “British Anna's” similar experiences with the person they knew as Ethan Schuman, and at least 100 more about the ethical issues of “aspirational identity” (the subject of the author's doctoral dissertation) that Ethan represented, and the trio's attempts to pursue legal redress against him.
As it stands, I spent most of the book wondering how these intelligent, accomplished women could have possibly been duped for months (in some cases years), and smugly reassuring myself that I wouldn't have fallen for Ethan's lies. And yet...
[He] was skilled at pressing just the right buttons and displaying the perfect amount of vulnerability to somehow stop otherwise rational people from behaving normally. His masterful cunning, combined with the intensity of their emotional connection, heightened by months of anticipation, allowed her to show him unprecedented levels of understanding and empathy, and to continue talking to him, instead of writing him off.