Twilight

i don't know what i can say that others haven't far better than i could. (then i go and write a freaking essay on my random twilight thoughts, go figure) There are many obvious issues with this book that i was aware of when reading for the first time but many that went over my head.
it's so unrealistic but at the same time knowingly how deeply (and stupidly) i loved at 17 I'd probably throw it all away for a hot vampire boy i didn't know too
i read this at some point between 2006-2008, i don't remember much of what i thought at the time. i wasn't as into it as some of the kids at my school were but i read them all and remember talking about them with my friends.

a year(?) ago i watched this youtube video called something like ‘sorry smeyer' about how she got absolutely bodied for stuff which was kind of out of her hands (basically that she was writing wish fulfilment and wasn't trying to be a model to young girls or best seller) and how while there are some questionable things in the book she didn't deserve the strength and amount of hate she got. it was an interesting video and must have planted a seed. two months ago i randomly watched the first twilight movie and unintentionally ‘ironically' got back into twilight. i found all the Twilight memes from the tumblr Twilight renaissance which had been going strong for a few years i guess. and discovered that midnight sun was officially published. i read it because i didn't want to reread the whole series but wanted to remember what fandom was talking about. i watched all the movies in a few days while i was recovering from my covid vax and a fun time was had by all. i ended up deciding to listen to twilight when i needed a break from ‘serious' reading. (hey, I've read much worse for dumber reasons)

reading midnight sun made me appreciate Bella's character a lot more this time around as she had more of an obvious personality. While it was hilarious to read from Edward's perspective it really hit home all the fucked up stuff he does (wish i could remember what teen me thought about Edward watching her sleep). i just feel so sorry for Bella. she's infatuated with a guy who is terrible for her, the only thing she seems to appreciate about him are his looks and mysteriousness (no judgement i was obsessed with a guy in high school I'd never spoken to lol, being a teen is fun) and then when unexpectedly they get together the only thing they really do is stare into each other's eyes and tell each other how much they love each other. except when edward tells Bella she's stupid and puts her down. :( like Bella IS being stupid but that's no excuse Edward!!!
The fandom for this series is so fun and im glad it's become so far removed from the author and the less savoury things in the story. i mostly enjoyed myself while reading this book but the most interesting part was the beginning when she was figuring out wtf Edward was. The longer it goes the more infatuated she gets and i feel bad for her, she really needs good friends. by the time we get to the james stuff i was