Unsafe Words: Queering Consent in the #MeToo Era

Considering this book's average rating on Goodreads is so high, and that I am the first person to give it a rating below three stars, I'm going to go out on a limb and affirm my opinion is a "hot take".

Some great essays were included in this anthology, notably the work of Blu Buchanan, Shantel Gabrieal Buggs, James McMaster and V. Jo Hsu.

But I will stand by my rating nonetheless. To Alexander Cheves: heck you in particular¹.

¹ TW: rape.

“More pointedly, he and I have almost certainly fucked men—at sex parties and elsewhere— who were too high to object. But just like the proverbial backroom, by being in those spaces, they waived a degree of consent.”

- Cheves, A. (2023) Consent in the Dark. In Unsafe Words: Queering Consent in the #MeToo Era (Q+ Public) (p. 50). Rutgers University Press.

↑ And this is what you do when you state something that may appear scandalous or outrageous at first glance. You cite a source to substantiate your claim. Take notes, mate.

Unsafe Words is an anthology of essays surrounding queer people and what consent can be to them. Looking at #MeToo and the white heteropatriarchal focus that it has been given since it went viral in 2017, Unsafe Words showcases a bevy of different viewpoints on how queer people consent. For a long time people have weighed in what does and doesn't constitute consent, but this anthology explores how one size does not fit all. Consent, and what that looks like, can depend on age, race, sexuality, gender, kinks, and the social culture that a person is involved in.

Some contributors provide their personal experiences with consent and what it looks like for them, whereas others provide more factual accounts of consent, referencing other people to back up their ideas. For some people, consent may not be verbal and can be inferred through body language, for others, they have had their boundaries disregarded even when being vocal and have had to alter how to show their consent or lack of to their sexual partners.

I preferred the more personal entries to this anthology and appreciated the different viewpoints. It can be hard to rate an anthology, especially one that discusses ideas which challenge my personal thoughts and opinions, but I enjoyed that it did make me slightly uncomfortable and think differently. It's likely one of the reasons why it was written and is an important read because of that. The mix of different formats, from more factual essays to personal recounts, to interviews, to photo essays was interesting and added to how different people approach such a complex subject. Some contributions I enjoyed more than others, but I can appreciate the merit and necessity for all of them.

I also love how Unsafe Words looked at consent through a queer lens, as usually when consent is discussed it is in how a (cis) woman can say no to a (cis) man and protect herself. Hopefully in the future there will be better sex education and advocating for approaching queer encounters and consent.