Verbal Judo

[November 2018 update: I just noticed there's a Second Edition. Please note that my review is for the First; I have not read the Second, so please do not be discouraged from reading that because of my review.]This is material I need to recommend; I just can't recommend this book. At least not to my friends, not to the people I hang out with or care about. Read [b:Nonviolent Communication 71730 Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life Marshall B. Rosenberg https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1386925124s/71730.jpg 2766138] instead. Please.Verbal Judo is... disturbing. It's about communication, but the undertone is about lying and pretending to empathize in order to get people to do what you want:“The other person will believe you're trying to understand. Whether you really are interested is irrelevant.” (p.81)Halfway through the book, I almost abandoned it. I was feeling upset, dejected, cheapened. But I persisted, picking it up again after a day. Now I don't know. My best guess is that the author has developed compassion, has grown into a decent human, but is using a gruff tone to reach a coarser target audience. Bubbas for whom “listen” is a four-letter word. This is an all-macho book. Maybe he's hoping to civilize a few people by surprise? I don't know. I'll hope that's it, and wish him well.There is important material in Verbal Judo: stuff that is critically important to know to lead a better life. But to my friends and loved ones: please read Marshall Rosenberg's [b:Nonviolent Communication 71730 Nonviolent Communication A Language of Life Marshall B. Rosenberg https://images.gr-assets.com/books/1386925124s/71730.jpg 2766138]. That's about being a better person, developing better relationships, about caring. Not just pretending.