What Happened To You? by Bruce D. Perry and Oprah Winfrey

Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain development and trauma expert, Dr. Bruce Perry, discuss the impact of trauma and adverse experiences and how healing must begin with a shift to asking, “what happened to you?” rather than “what’s wrong with you?” Through wide-ranging, and often deeply personal conversation, Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Perry explore how what happens to us in early childhood – both good and bad - influences the people we become. They challenge us to shift from focusing on, “What’s wrong with you?” or “Why are you behaving that way?,” to asking, “What happened to you?” This simple change in perspective can open up a new and hopeful understanding for millions about why we do the things we do, why we are the way we are, providing a road map for repairing relationships, overcoming what seems insurmountable, and ultimately living better and more fulfilling lives. Many of us experience adversity and trauma during childhood that has lasting impact on our physical and emotional health. And as we’re beginning to understand, we are more sensitive to developmental trauma as children than we are as adults. ‘What happened to us’ in childhood is a powerful predictor of our risk for physical and mental health problems down the road, and offers scientific insights in to the patterns of behaviors so many struggle to understand. A survivor of multiple childhood challenges herself, Oprah Winfrey shares portions of her own harrowing experiences because she understands the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma at a young age. Throughout her career, Oprah has teamed up with Dr. Bruce Perry, one of the world’s leading experts on childhood trauma. He has treated thousands of children, youth, and adults and has been called on for decades to support individuals and communities following high-profile traumatic events. Now, Oprah joins forces with Dr. Perry to marry the power of storytelling with the science and clinical experience to better understand and overcome the effects of trauma. In conversation throughout the book, the two focus on understanding people, behavior, and ourselves in the context of personal experiences. They remove blame and self-shaming, and open up a space for healing and understanding. It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma, and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future - opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven, powerful way. Grounded in the latest brain science and brought to life through compelling narratives, this book shines a light on a much-needed path to recovery – showing us our incredible capacity to transform after adversity.

Reviews and more on my blog: Entering the Enchanted Castle

I loved this book and want to read it again and take better notes. I think that the new approaches to trauma and recovery that have been growing in the last few decades form the most exciting development of the current century. We have an unprecedented potential to get beyond our habitual, unconscious, reactive ways of living, which generally involve hurting ourselves and each other in a misguided attempt to protect ourselves, and lead to an unending cycle of violence and/or disconnected woundedness. We now know that “disconnection is disease,” as Perry puts it, and that connected relatedness is the cure – grounded in a wise understanding of how the human being is built. That is, from the bottom up, starting with bodily sense experience and not with abstract, disjointed concepts that misinterpret and further damage the person to whom we apply them.

Correct thinking is built upon the foundation of healthy, robust, self-regulating, and above all humanly connected body-and-soul experience, and if we don't start to support this development with all the resources at our disposal, we may see the end of civilization at the hands of people with fatally incorrect, damaged thinking. If only the ideas in this book would be taken seriously on every level, from personal relationships to public policy, it would truly change the world. Everyone can make a start with their own lives – I see many of my own habits and those of my family, friends, colleagues and opponents in a new light. I'm excited to see how I can implement more healing practices myself.

I would like to know more about how to work with people who are so sensitized that even the well-meant question “What happened to you?” provokes resistance and denial in them. I think the answer lies in the practices that Perry calls “regulating,” which bring rhythm and balance to a disturbed person. I'll be looking for more resources about this aspect.

Great, great, great! Nearly perfect. I'm a psychologist, and I think I might actually like this even better for the general public than The Body Keeps the Score. Perry & Winfrey's conversational format could have been hokey, but instead it feels fluid and engaging, and there's a fantastic mix of anecdotes (both clinical from Perry's work and Winfrey's interviews, and personal from Winfrey's life), neuroscience, and application. I might change this to a full 5 stars, but for now, I found myself wanting a bit more practical/policy stuff at the end. Still, would recommend this without reservations for anyone who wants to understand trauma, and already have, both to several therapy clients and to multiple colleagues practicing in spaces where trauma-informedness is central.