Without Children: The Long History of Not Being a Mother

I received an advanced reader's copy of this book thanks to the author and Seal Press.

This is not the book I hoped to read when I saw the cover. It is written primarily through the lens white dominant culture and centers the experience of having children throughout United States and, at times, European history.

The introduction's discussion of ‘choice' felt compelling and true, knowing how our choices about parenthood can be constrained and shaped by our society. I didn't see this theme play out, as all the chapters focused on active choice- a movement towards a goal or away from an aversive experience. I'm guessing there is less interest in and historical documentation in this middle place of not choosing to be childfree but also missing out on opportunities to try to have kids. This is unfortunate, as the middle group really does make up the majority of the story for those of us without kids. The chapter that could have contained this, “Because We Can't” only discusses IVF and egg freezing. (For a broader look check out “Not Trying: Infertility, Childlessness, and Ambivalence” by Kristin Wilson)

I think the author could have benefitted from considering her personal views about motherhood before she wrote this, or rehashing the concept of the book entirely once she had more insight. In the conclusion she states that she had softened towards parents during the pandemic and describes her previous annoyance with mothers and how they are prized. Most childless people I know are already soft towards parents and happy to support the raising of our youngest fellow humans. I think that this initial resentment scaffolded the concept of the book but then by changing gears the unique focus was lost. That ending sentiment that we should all just get along reads very shame-y and was contrary to a lot of what the book showed about the ramifications of bias about parent status.

While there was some really interesting information presented throughout, (I loved reading about the start to NON and the NotMom Summit!) it wasn't enough to feel like this is a comprehensive history that lends new insight into the lives of those “Without Children.”