Zero Stars, Do Not Recommend

An aptly named book!

Zero Stars, Do Not Recommend stars Dan, a 29-year-old man on vacation with his girlfriend Mara. While they are enjoying the beach at a new resort on a small island, the sun explodes. This really throws a wrench in things.

Now, I love a ridiculous piece of media. And this book combines a lot of my favorite things: megachurch and/or MLM satire (Righteous Gemstones), disaster striking and every “leader” being woefully inept (Avenue 5), humor with a backdrop of troubling current events (Derry Girls), the list goes on. And still, I really did not care for it.

One issue I had was the language and references Wassmer uses. Edgelord quips abound. The snarky social commentary and bad jokes are more of a time capsule than timeless; I think it will quickly go from feeling current to cringey.

The book is also way too long for the story it tells. It's pushing 400 pages, and I was tired halfway through. I compromised with myself by upping the playback speed. It could have been a novella, honestly. For it to be even 300 pages, a lot more would need to happen. Or we'd need a different main character. Ideally both.

Third smaller gripe: Why does the Space Telescope Science Institute care more about recreating the Stanford Prison Experiment than actually studying exoplanets? Or any other part of space? Obviously just make the company a front the name is laughably terrible.

I have two big gripes: one I have seen in other books, and one specific to this one.

First, white men writing women and romantic relationships so poorly that it overshadows a cool speculative fiction premise. You might think that is sexist and racist of me. But I am not seeking out author photos or searching names before I read books. I have a life to live, I am never caught up on laundry. I can tell because the writing is ass in the same exact way every time. And every time I feel like, “It sure does feel like a white man wrote this,” I am RIGHT. It reeks of it. I have seen this with [b:Reincarnation Blues|33571217|Reincarnation Blues|Michael Poore|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1500555996l/33571217.SY75.jpg|54372404], [b:The Humans|16130537|The Humans|Matt Haig|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1353739654l/16130537.SY75.jpg|21955852], [b:Dark Matter|27833670|Dark Matter|Blake Crouch|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1472119680l/27833670.SY75.jpg|43161998], and it is always a bummer.

Every time, the male protagonist is a fairly flat character, almost a self-insert (this time the male protagonist is actually urged to become an author elle oh elle dude). The only consistent morals or motivations he has are to Protect His Woman No Matter What. But then the woman has even less dimension than he does. And, often we are viewing the woman love interest through the man's eyes. So then it's hard to square his primal drive to kill every threat to her with his bare hands, with the fact that he does not even seem to view her as human. In the end, everything feels hollow.

Here, Dan never seems to view Mara as his equal. She's either way too good for him or a child with a “flair for dramatics,” as he reiterates throughout the book. Cool.

Also, is it imposter syndrome if you are an imposter? Dan is always having crises about measuring up and success and masculinity. I was excited to explore that more. These issues are real and I think they can be particularly tricky for men to navigate because of societal roles and pressures about showing emotion or vulnerability, being able to provide for your family, etc.

But also, Dan...just sucks. He thinks he is better than his job because he was labeled a gifted kid? He thinks he is better than Building C? He constantly, consciously pushes down his emotions. He is mean. He is a coward. He shows zero initiative, charisma, or authority, yet everyone looks to him. He's like “I have no skills,” and I'm like, yeah, it is a problem. Mara keeps saying he is a good writer, but we have no indication of that. Is he meant to be writing this very book? Is it that much of a self-insert? Either way, woof.

I will say, the narrator of the audiobook was so great. Stephen R. Thorne did a great job, specifically with Pete and Charles. Very entertaining performance, and this was not his fault.