Lory
I found this a fascinating account of the psychology of indoctrination and extremism, seen from the inside out. The author writes beautifully along with telling a compelling story, and is able to minutely follow her own emotional and mental process with great honesty. The sequence where she finds her long-held opinions breaking up was astonishing. When one has been raised to have such intractable, inflexible thoughts, to change one's mind is truly an act of bravery and almost a miracle.
In literalist theology it seems to me that people take the guidebook that should be pointing them to an experience, as if it were the thing itself, as if they wanted to live inside the book. Scripture should only be a way to orient us toward God, not a God itself. And there are other ways, other possible guidebooks, other languages, and other concepts than “God” that can lead us toward the same thing. You can get there without using a book at all, just as you can take a journey without a guide! To look at a book as though IT were directing us, rather than the human mind and soul, is as much idol-worship as bowing down before a golden calf.
Human beings become what they worship. When they worship a dead idol, they become dead. That's why the practice is abhorrent - because the true purpose of all religion, and certainly of Christianity, is to enable human beings to become alive. Not in some hypothetical afterlife, but now. Even in the wilderness of our hearts, where we have slain the life-giving creator spirit through our hatred, our ignorance and our blindness, life can spring up again. I experienced that sense of resurrection through this story, for which I am grateful.
One can selectively quote scripture out of context to prove almost anything one wishes. It's the movement and direction of the whole that is important. Even the ancient Israelites changed and evolved, as is shown in the course of the Hebrew scriptures. And in the Gospels we see this transform even further, turning the concepts of previous religious life on their head, demanding that people change their hearts and minds and make a step in inwardly manifesting what had formerly been outer practice – a development that the fanatics of Westboro Baptist Church seem to miss entirely. If they had been among the crowd around Christ's crucifixion, they surely would have been shouting for his death.
I was completely absorbed by this “biography of a book,” the story of how the Little House series came to be, in a matrix of complex historical and personal circumstances that also illumine a great deal in the history and biography of America.
Rose Wilder Lane was clearly a disturbed person. However, without her I do not think this great work of American literature would ever have come to be, so we owe her a certain measure of gratitude. And it's sad that her own talent was overshadowed by her mental and psychological handicaps, which at the time went unrecognized and untreated, and funneled into her Libertarian obsessions.
Unexpectedly this book helped me to understand the roots of the increasing intransigence of conservatives in the perhaps necessary, but insensitive and short-sighted treatment of agricultural overproduction during the New Deal, which created an alienation and divisiveness that has only gotten worse.
Wonderful, atmospheric fantasy, centered around the opposing figures of an evil, manipulative real mother and a wise, nurturing adoptive mother. “Wise Child” is the young girl who has to find her way between them and choose rightly, in order to unfold her powers for good. The pacing is uneven, with the ending unfortunately quite rushed, but otherwise just a wonderful world to get lost in.
A follow up to Toxic Parents, focusing especially on five types of toxic (unloving) mothers and their effect on daughters, followed by advice on how daughters can change this dysfunctional relationship, or decide to leave if it can't be salvaged with their own integrity intact. It was not very clear what was particular about the mother-daughter relationship vs. the general parent-child relationship, but that didn't matter for my purposes. I find Forward's approach helpful as a general outline, although a bit narrow and harsh. Good to complement with some other books like It Didn't Start With You, or Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, which go more into the general family dynamic that evolves such bizarre behavior.
Kalanithi‘s story makes it clear both why medicine becomes dehumanized (it's hard to remain open in the face of suffering) and how powerful it can be when doctors retain a sense of the sacred mystery of their calling and the reality of the human core that is not only body or mechanism. This book is a record of a brave man's life and its writing an act of courage itself, the reading of which can help us face our lives more bravely too. Science and spirit are not opposites, but in their true nature belong together. It's the battle to bring them into harmony that is our true challenge today, and this book an eloquent example of that fight.
I really enjoyed this, a work of popular criticism that is perceptive, intelligent, insightful, and manages not to analyze its subject into insensibility. It brought out so many details in Austen that I had never noticed before, wrapped up as I've been in the flow of her narrative - which Mullan convincingly demonstrates is both artful and innovative. Now I want to read her again to appreciate her all the more.
This book was a somewhat uncomfortable combination of two elements: information about the emerging science on how traumatic events can actually affect our genes and thus the next generations, and anecdotes and practices coming out of Wolynn's therapeutic work with clients who appear to be repeating family traumas in their own lives and psyches. The latter is a more metaphorical / energetic kind of process than strictly biological, and although putting the genetic science first seems to be an attempt to legitimize the therapy, it actually weakens Wolynn's credibility because in many cases there is no evident link (e.g. one of the very first examples he gives involves an uncle who does not have any genetic connection with the subject). As many impatient and dismissive reviews here on GR attest, this turns off some readers immediately, and I think they have some reason. Genes affected by trauma may explain descendants having SOME kind of weakness or dysfunction, but they can't determine them to repeat in great emotional and psychological detail the SAME kind of trauma. This seems to me to require further research.
I happen to be sympathetic to the metaphorical approach, and also a student of karma (which I think is involved in such cases), so I let this disjunction slide and enjoyed the latter part of the book on its own terms. I have come to some of the same conclusions already through events in my own life, so it was very interesting to read the stories about family trauma being passed down through the generations. I wish I had had Wolynn's advice to follow much earlier; it could have saved me a good deal of pain and suffering. Even at this late date, it has helped me to clarify some of my issues and to identify some healing practices I can still try. I'm looking forward to doing more research of my own.
I'm on a DWJ reread jag...this one has absurd, almost slapstick humor and a wonderfully characterized family of four distinct individuals who are both flawed and lovable, plus an imaginative array of villains. Like all “twist” books worth reading once, this is also worth reading again after you know the ending - and see how skillfully Jones builds towards it.
This is one of those later DWJ books which has an interesting idea that isn't completely worked out in a satisfying way. The strange village run by awful Aunt Maria, with a gender war in the background, could have been a terrific setting, but it fizzled out in an over-hasty resolution with some loose ends that bothered me. I think it would have been more convincing that AM wanted Mig to be her successor, if she had tried to cultivate and win her over in the beginning, instead of ignoring and torturing her. The tension between two sides of a person who is publicly sweet and lovable and inwardly manipulative and abusive was not strongly enough portrayed, because it's obvious from the outset that AM is bad news. It would have been a much stronger story if Mig had been sucked in at the beginning and had to get herself free. The diary format could have reflected this, showing as it does everything from Mig's point of view - maybe the writing could have been a way for her to realize what was really going on, as in The Spellcoats. However, that is not the story that we have!
The repeated motif in DWJ books of a male figure who has been buried/asleep/separated into pieces and returns appears again here, also not as strikingly as in some other books. Makes me want to do a survey of this particular theme and write something about it.
This was a pleasant enough read. The dialogue harmonized well with the original, without too many jarring anachronisms. I found the descriptive passages less successful, with lots of cliches (e.g. a spring in her step, used twice within the first few chapters). I wish that the language had had more bite and originality to it.
As for the plot – there's no way I think Austen would have imagined this kind of future for Mary, in her book an insufferable prig who is the target of scorn, not of empathy and compassion. But for modern readers it's quite satisfying to get inside the mind of this bookish girl, understand how an emotionally neglectful upbringing made her who she was, and see her slowly transform herself into a woman who is capable of loving and being loved, without sacrificing the gifts of her intellect.
I could accept Mary's rehabilitation, but that of Mr Collins was too far-fetched for me! He was much too self-reflective and dignified for the arrogant little toady we love to hate in P&P. Caroline Bingley, on the other hand, became a soulless viper in exchange. Seeing Mary stand up to her was a satisfying moment.
“When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendors of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living fountain; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion, its message becomes meaningless.”
Abraham Joshua Heschel, Jewish rabbi, teacher and theologian
Why are people afraid to think? Why do they want to suffocate their own free thinking, and that of others, with rigid ideologies? That's what I wondered as I read this memoir by a professor of English literature who experienced the frenzied descent of her country into pseudo-religious madness.
It's not a faraway happening. These days, ideology is everywhere, threatening to overwhelm our individual ability to connect to one another through a dynamic relationship to an evolving truth, which is too often replaced by a drive to protect our fixed ideas of what truth is at all costs. In the great literature of the past, may we still find a space to think more freely, to feel more flexibly and humanly, to develop the will to reject tyranny's hold over our minds, if not our bodies.
Books that are highly stylized, enamored of their own language, are hit or miss with me. Sometimes they just feel false and contrived. (E.g. The Night Circus.) Sometimes, though, the linguistic acrobatics work for me and bring me into a unique world that only exists through this combination of sounds and verbal color. Another time, I might not be in the mood and the whole performance might fall flat.
A Stranger in Olondria worked for me, this time. I just floated along with the rapturous prose and didn't worry overmuch about details like a coherent plot or believable characters. I'm not sure what will be left to me of it after a few weeks or months have passed, but in the time of reading it was a unique experience.
In this entry in the Carey family series, the young man of the family is falsely accused of cheating at cards and leaves the country for the family estate in New York. I love the idea and the production values of these books, and the writing is not bad, but the stories fall flat for me. This one is a particularly insensitive demonstration of Brits feeling entitled to conquer the world (lording it over the native Americans, of course, but also French Canadians in the battle for Quebec). Like the other Carey books I've read so far, this one is totally male-centric in a preteen sort of way; the men seem to have no sexual feelings at all and women are almost completely absent from their world. Boys may find this all terribly exciting (my son loves it) but it bores me quickly. I'd far rather have some interesting drawing room conversation than yet another battle.
I found this even better than the first book - it could stand alone as it has the essential info about EI parents and other EI people, although anyone who is really struggling with these relationships will want both books. I thought the advice was very clear and practical. Time will tell whether it works in my interactions with EI people, but I'm looking forward to trying. I especially appreciated the detailed explanation of how EI people are hostile to your inner world, and how to reclaim it. It's been hard for me to feel I have permission just to have my own thoughts around EI people, but now I understand why, I know it's important to resist the takeover, and I will go into our encounters forearmed.
This was a helpful and well written guide, but I wished for a bit more nuance in some places. I would especially like to have seen more about parents who don't talk all the time about themselves or try to make themselves the center of attention, which is how Gibson generally characterizes self-absorption. There are parents who barely talk about themselves at all, and can appear extremely interested in and caring of their children, but only on a deeper look is this revealed to be interest in seeing the child not as they really are, but as who the parent wants and needs them to be. Not talking about themselves is a sort of negative self-centeredness, as harmful as the more overt kind or maybe even more so. Definitely it can be very difficult and confusing for the child whose parent appeared to be always selfless and giving, but who was really only serving their own needs for security in the guise of caring for a child.
I also thought the division of child coping strategies into “internalizing” and “externalizing” was too simplistic, and that the dismissal of externalizers was rather curt (saying they wouldn't be interested in this book anyway, and mainly talking about them in negative terms). As an extreme internalizer, I'd be interested to know what I could learn from the externalizers to become more balanced myself, and I'd like to understand them better to be able to relate to the ones in my life. I'd also be interested to know of stories where an externalizer turned around and did develop self-reflection. Surely that must happen sometimes!
Aside from the personal relevance, I was quite struck by how many political leaders these days are clearly suffering from emotional immaturity. In the US at least, it seems like there are a few grownups involved and the rest are a bunch of screaming toddlers who want to twist reality to suit their own feelings, just like the EI parents in this book. It's unfortunate that they have so much power, but some of the strategies in the book (notably detaching, exercising calm observation, and not getting pulled into their emotional contagion) may help with dealing with this mess as well as with family troubles. I'll be trying them anyway!
This is such an important topic and the research is fascinating. I would like to see more rigor in the thinking and clarity of definition around the huge areas of “empathy” and “love.” While the authors made a convincing case that humans need closeness and connection to grow healthy and lead stable, productive lives, there is also such a thing as unhealthy closeness (enmeshment) and real problems that result from it. The “codependency movement” is briefly criticized at the end of the book as aiming to push people towards independence at the expense of relationship, but I think really it's all about establishing healthy boundaries and a balance between self and other.
Anyway, there is no shortage of research to do in this field ,and I hope we'll be hearing much more about it. The main challenge we seem to face today is to expand the ways we evolved for surviving together in small, close-knit groups, into seeing ourselves as members of a global family, humanity as a whole. Many people are distressed by the hugeness of this and close themselves off in narrowly defined groups, going with the old way of feeling secure as “us” by battling a “them.” Other forces are working strongly to splinter us even further, isolating and distancing us from one another and waling us off behind non-human, mechanical barriers. But the stories of healing in this book - and also the warning images of people damaged beyond repair - can inspire us to learn from the wisdom in the very structure of our brains and bodies, to recover the human bonds of love and caring that made us strong, and to evolve further into a species that uniquely is able to love out of freedom and knowledge, rather than merely by instinct.
I read this some time ago, and remember being vaguely dissatisfied, but after enjoying the recent FM Gibbons releases I wanted to go back to it again. With my expectations not so high or perhaps so divergent from the actual book, I liked it more this time. I wish there had been more of Hetty and a less depressing ending to her story, and less of Viola, a tiresome although basically blameless character.
This is a visually beautiful book that could be a comforting companion for someone who is struggling with chronic illness. Many of the ideas were not new to me but I still found some nuggets to chew on. My favorite statement from a wise old doctor: “The illness is the cure for the cause of the illness.” Let's all think about that for a while and maybe reconsider our slash-and-burn approach to all disease. What message are they bringing to us, what potentials for renewal and positive energy do they want us to take up? That's what we can ask ourselves when we stop seeing illness as something merely to be avoided at all costs.
