kath

had to dnf this for now bcs i'm mentally still in the osemanverse

amazing description of someone suffering from an anxiety disorder and what it's like to be queer and surrounded by catholicism — alexa, play nothing new by taylor swift featuring phoebe bridgers.

“so much of my life has felt so out of my control for so long. and i'm done with that being my reality. i want my life to be in my hands. not an eating disorder's or a casting director's or an agent's or my mom's. mine.”

this is one of the heaviest books i have ever read. i had to take several breaks while reading to fully grasp that this is not fiction and did actually happen. it hurt my heart especially because i grew up with nickeloden and jennette mccurdy played a character i loved as a child. reading about how uncomfortable she felt playing this character, changed my perspective completely. i'm so sorry for all the things she had to go through and i hope that she continues to heal. and yes, i'm glad her mom died too.

trigger warnings for this book: eating disorders, child abuse, emotional abuse, alcoholism, addiction, grief, cancer, death of parent, mental illness, panic attacks, grooming, sexual abuse, body shaming

Wow, okay. Wait- I need time to process this.

I started reading this because it was the only ebook on Prime Reading that appealed to me – I mean, it's sapphic and it fit pretty well with the holidays, so I thought it might be interesting!

Unfortunately, I've learned that digital reading is not really for me. I just prefer holding a physical book in my hands. I only read 23% of the book, but I found the characters quite interesting. I would have loved to find out how the relationship between the protagonist and the love interest would have developed. If I ever find this book as a physical book in my bookstore during Christmas time, I will definitely try to read it again.