金魚の産声

... Ok. I've been putting off reading this for a bit because I remember being unsure about it but I don't know why. I remember seeing a good bit of low to negative ratings on this but I didn't read them because I don't want to know anything but what the tags tell me before going into a book... But I feel like I should've dropped this very early on.

The premise isn't bad, the art's fine, and there are even some points that are really sweet and emotional. But that all get's ruined by the fact that there are sex scenes with Yuki in his current mental state. Yes, I know that Tomohisa and Yuki are an established couple. Yes, I know this is a case of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Where this gets weird and uncomfortable for me is that Yuuta, Yuki's personality, is a child and the author thought "Yeah, let's have Tomohisa & Yuuta have sex. It's still a grown man's body so it's alright, right?" and I'm honestly fucking livid about that. Not only is it weird but it's fucking disrespectful to people who deal with this personality disorder because it showed how author doesn't see this as a serious mental health issue. It could've been handled with so much care and display how much Tomohisa really loves and misses Yuki while also really treasuring Yuuta and wanting to keep them both safe. When you take out the sex from the present-day timeline it actually becomes a better story because that's the biggest problem.

The saving throw for this not being a 1 star or dropped mid-chapter 2 were the flashbacks. The flashbacks were the best parts about this book. It was interesting enough that I wanted to know the why's and more about Yuki and his dad as well as wanting more of Tomohisa and Yuki's relationship. And even present-day wouldn't've been so bad as there were genuine heartwarming moments of Tomohisa caring for Yuki by treating Yuuta like his own child. Him really wanting Yuki back but also being afraid for his return and what would come next set fine with me. I think the reason for him worrying so much is a bit dumb since it comes down to defending himself and Yuki, but I understand from where he's standing in that situation. It just really does fall so flat for me at the end when Yuki wakes up and everything that follows because it tried to turn something uncomfortable to something wholesome by making it a family dynamic thing... with the looming knowledge that Tomohisa and Yuuta regularly had sex and, from what it sounds like in the extra chapter, still do...