A Love That Disturbs

How I wish I could've liked this book more than I actually did. A book that has two qpoc leads who end up falling for each other should be right up my alley, but how I thought this book would turn out and how the story actually unfolded were two very different things.

The story follows the meeting, and consequent relationship between Maysa, a devout Pakistani-American Muslim who's held up to high standards by her strict, overbearing parents, and Haydee, a Puerto-Rican prostitute/former gang member who's trying to clean herself up.

One of the major drawing points for me for this book was absolutely the fact that this centered on a romance between two poc girls, and the fact that there was zero angst when it came to the acceptance of their sexualities was also wonderful. If more time was actually spent on the development of their relationship it would have been sweet beyond words, but unfortunately this was sacrificed in order for other storylines, possibly a little bit too far-fetched to be entirely realistic, to take place instead.

I had a slight problem with Haydee. I adore protective characters who would do anything for those they love, and I feel like this is what Medeia Sharif was aiming for with her, but the rife misogyny that came as part of sex work put me off her a little bit. She constantly referred to herself and anyone else who worked for Rafe as a hoe and demeaned them at every turn. Haydee herself said she willingly went into sex work but her attitude towards it didn't match that, and I felt as though she looked down on Rafe's girls way too much. I wish she wouldn't have used this language in reference to herself of anyone else but I do feel as though having a character who is a teen prostitute is a good device to match real-life issues.

At times, this book almost felt like it was two different books, or two different ideas, that were joined together to make one story; the tale of a teen prostitute trying to escape the life and do better for herself, and the tale of a devout religious girl trying to reconcile her sexuality with her knowledge of homophobic views that her family and friends would have if they knew, and these two girls just happened to be together.

I've never been a huge fan of changing POVs, especially when it changes back and forth each chapter, but I feel like this book would have been stronger if it focused on only one of these problems (preferably Maysa's as I find her story more powerful) and gave more time to their relationship development, instead of trying to cram all these different elements in.
It felt like one minute they had just met, and the next they were in love. We had a scene where it is the first time they've spent any time together privately (as in not in public) and they go from discussing movies to having sex, even though Maysa is a virgin and hasn't even kissed a girl. I can understand that this happens sometimes, but in the context of these characters, I think it just went a little bit too fast for me.

This book however still raises important issues of homophobia, sexuality vs. religion, misogyny, and highlighted qpoc. This book also has a happy ending! The girls are in love and stay together even through a tragedy. Their devotion to each other doesn't shake and that is truly beautiful.
However, if the book was just a little bit longer, and gave a little bit more romantic development, I might have actually loved it. Unfortunately for me it didn't have exactly everything I was hoping for when I started reading it.