Assume the Worst: The Graduation Speech You'll Never Hear by Carl Hiaasen

This is Oh, the Places You'll Never Go--the ultimate hilarious, cynical, but absolutely realistic view of a college graduate's future. And what he or she can or can't do about it. "This commencement address will never be given, because graduation speakers are supposed to offer encouragement and inspiration. That's not what you need. You need a warning." So begins Carl Hiaasen's attempt to prepare young men and women for their future. And who better to warn them about their precarious paths forward than Carl Hiaasen? The answer, after reading Assume the Worst, is: Nobody. And who better to illustrate--and with those illustrations, expand upon and cement Hiaasen's cynical point of view--than Roz Chast, best-selling author/illustrator and National Book Award winner? The answer again is easy: Nobody. Following the format of Anna Quindlen's commencement address (Being Perfect) and George Saunders's commencement address (Congratulations, by the way), the collaboration of Hiaasen and Chast might look typical from the outside, but inside it is anything but. This book is bound to be a classic, sold year after year come graduation time. Although it's also a good gift for anyone starting a job, getting married, or recently released from prison. Because it is not just funny. It is, in its own Hiaasen way, extremely wise and even hopeful. Well, it might not be full of hope, but there are certainly enough slivers of the stuff in there to more than keep us all going.

This is a short very short essay/speech to a the college graduating class of 2018. Except for one point where he relates the time of 2018 with 1974, the speech is timeless. It talk about how real success and happiness come from going out every day and doing the work.

The audio version will maybe take you 15 minutes.

This is the graduation speech I wish I had! Hiassen states clearly what newly minted ‘adults' need to hear - the world is not all unicorns and rainbows, people are often jerks, and if you expect to get the same treatment in the real world that you got in college, you're going to be sorely disappointed. Oh, for those who are not familiar with Carl Hiassen, spoiler alert...

I'll freely stipulate to being prone to the darker side of things, but this book enumerates why the world is unfair, why people regularly try to take advantage of others, and why only you can ensure your life turns out the way you want it to.

Hiassen encourages the reader to make their own evaluations about others, to take an active part in their own future, and by expecting the worst, to be pleasantly surprised when they find someone who is actually kind, compassionate, and not totally self-absorbed in pursuing their own gratification at the expense of everyone else.

This is a very short book, but well worth your time if you want a few good laughs or to hear that you are not the only person in the world who thinks quite a few others are willfully ignorant and completely dependent on others to provide their opinions.