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I have issues with food. I don't talk about them often - or ever, really. But they lurk under the surface, and even when I'm working really really hard to overcome them and build healthy habits they can derail me. Today was one of those days. And today was the day I read about Colby.
I didn't expect her story to end up the way it did, but it didn't surprise me. I did spend a bit of time thinking that there's no way anyone's mom would ever treat their daughter the way Colby's mom treated her... but yes they do. And even without her mom as a motivating factor, everything else Colby was dealing with would have been enough to trigger the depression and self-loathing.
I have a mom who loves me very much and I still struggle (at 31) with self-loathing. There are times I self-medicate with food. There have been many days where I didn't want to be on this earth anymore because the pain I felt inside was so bad.
When I read Colby's story, I felt very connected to her.
At the end, the author reveals that she's struggled with binge eating and knows exactly what kinds of emotions can come with it.
Big Fat Disaster wasn't easy to read, but I'm glad I did. It was authentic, painful, yet still uplifting. Though I'll warn you - most of the characters are unlikable and have zero redeeming qualities.
If you - or someone you know - are having thoughts of self-harm, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
