Fifty Shades of Grey

I WANT MY BRAIN CELLS BACK. This book . . . I can't even . . . it's SHEER MINDFUCK. Like, when I read:“Okay, and what do I get out of this?”He shrugs and looks almost apologetic.“Me,” he says simply.” And this turns women on. MY INNOCENCE. I'm only...I'm sixteen. I shouldn't have read this. No, sir. Just . . . no. My faith in Erotica has been destroyed forever. Oh, Christian Fifty Shades of I Don't Have A Bad Enough Word For You Grey. You know what? It doesn't matter if you're sexy and enigmatic enough to have slept with 20 willing women. It doesn't matter if you're so filthy rich your (apparently prodigious) dick is made of pure gold. YOU DON'T MAKE ME HOT, YOU SICK FUCK. As you can see, these two piss me off. Christian and Anastasia are Edward and Bella all over again. You know, the “He's a prick but she doesn't deserve even him” thing S. Meyer had going. Copied to perfection.P.S Someone just told me this is a fan fiction of Twilight. So that's why. I should have known.I kept screaming at her to WAKE THE FUCK UP. The relief I felt when she finally ran was . . . it was beyond words.I don't have a problem with the sex. I'm not going to run away screaming just because it has S&M. But this was supposed to be erotic. Only, the thing is, it's not. It was just raw sex. Not arousing. I'm a feminist, but I can admit that the idea of giving in makes me hotter than the idea of being a dominatrix all decked out in leather. So I can relate to Ana there, although I don't really want the Fifty Shades of Grey submission fantasy some of you go for.But the rest?“Oh, My.” “Inner goddess.”“You could still run for the hills. Come, I want to show you my playroom.” “He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string...what! And...gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet.”“Never trust a man who can dance. “And lastly, (sorry if I missed any), but why is there such parody galore of this travesty of a book? [b:Fifty Shades of Gay 13578663 Fifty Shades of Gay Lola Swain https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1333590356s/13578663.jpg 19162324][b:Fifty Shades of Gravy 13644951 Fifty Shades of Gravy Jenny Ric https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1337016128s/13644951.jpg 19261557][b:Fifty Shades of Beige 13643699 Fifty Shades of Beige (Book One of the Fifty Shades Parody) Reid Mockery https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1336668997s/13643699.jpg 19259352][b:Fifty Shames of Earl Grey 14060248 Fifty Shames of Earl Grey (Fifty Shames #1) Fanny Merkin https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1337500200s/14060248.jpg 19697036][b:Fifty-one Shades: A Parody 13548945 Fifty-one Shades A Parody (First Three Chapters) Andrew Shaffer https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1331909924s/13548945.jpg 19114585][b:Fifty Shades of Marker 15705643 Fifty Shades of Marker (Book Two of the Fifty Shades Parody) Reid Mockery https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1339694237s/15705643.jpg 21368589][b:Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks 13647865 Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks (Fifty Shades of Silver #1) Phil Torcivia https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1336933815s/13647865.jpg 19266437][b:Fifty Shades of Garbage 14624297 Fifty Shades of Garbage (A Parody) Allie Beck https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1365724440s/14624297.jpg 20268242][b:Fifty Shades of Gary the Vampire: Anais's Sin 14742214 Fifty Shades of Gary the Vampire Anais's Sin (Book 1) Sabrina Swan https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1338447518s/14742214.jpg 20389653][b:Fifty Shades of Twilight 15715472 Fifty Shades of Twilight (A Very Naughty PARODY) Secret Anonymous https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1340276622s/15715472.jpg 21384897][b:Fifty Shades of Black and Blue 14287981 Fifty Shades of Black and Blue I.B. Naughtie https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1337705164s/14287981.jpg 19927145][b:Fifty Shades of Pink: A Parody 14741753 Fifty Shades of Pink A Parody Faythe America https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1338421652s/14741753.jpg 20388888][b:Fifty Shades of Grey and Zombies 15722328 Fifty Shades of Grey and Zombies Grey West https://d.gr-assets.com/books/1340658695s/15722328.jpg 21396318]It's enough to justify Ana saying, “Oh, my.”This is what I wanted to do to the book: