Iceberg

I quite enjoyed Clive Cussler as a youngster - a Tom Clancy, James Patterson or Lee Child of his day. I've bought what feels like a metric ton of his vast catalogue of books very cheaply in local charity shops over the last year or so and think my bookshelf is about to collapse under the weight. So I'm going in...

This book, whose title sounds like a placeholder, was written in 1976 and ye gods does it constantly show it. Plenty of mentions of typewriters, big old computers and of course everyone smokes. Plus much of the book's dialogue was... ‘of its time'.

All of the men were chiefly sex pests with our hero Major Dirk Pitt (yes, really), the most toxic. He was pretty much a supermarket own-brand James Bond and essentially Pepé Le Pew in human form. The few women characters were written terribly and treated appallingly. They were little more than weak damsels in distress to be rescued and purely there to be ogled, insulted, harassed and abused.

There were a couple of sequences where Pitt pretended to be an artist for reasons I can't even care enough to remember and it was very difficult to read. Think of every stereotypically gay character from 1970s sitcoms and you are getting close.

The twist ending felt like it was quickly written on the bus on the way to the publishers. It made no sense and added nothing to the story, but was actually treated with more subtlety than anything else in this wretched potboiler.

I have just shy of a dozen of these to read and I intend to grit my teeth and carry on in chronological order. I'm actually fascinated to see if there is any progression and improvement over the decades - there has to be, surely? I make no promises though, many more like this and I will certainly end throwing in the towel very early.