Losing hope

Holder's grief is palpable. A pulsing entity of pain and sadness from page one. Hoover with an unrelenting pace drags us along with Holder through his sister's suicide, his guilt at not being able to save her, his heart's momentarily leap of optimism when he first meets Sky and believes she is his childhood friend, the doubt that creeps in as he gets to know her and his joy at falling for Sky, his wish that Hope is at peace and that this exceptional young woman is someone he can forge a future with, a future with Sky filled with anticipation and belief in good and not a reminder of HopeLess - a life of regret.

There aren't enough adjectives to describe the roller-coaster of emotional turmoil, happiness, fleeting joy, crushing blows and eventual peace that one experiences reading this book.

The story is familiar but there are small moments, moments where Sky's perception of Holder's actions shaped her story only for us as the readers to discover they were something completely different. At all times his goal was to protect Sky from a pain so immense surely no-one could survive it. Her strength coupled with his love formed a bond stronger than titanium and together they were able to face the horrifying events that tainted their combined pasts. Holder's self-blame is heartbreaking to read and you can't help but sympathise and rejoice as he discovers his own personal form of therapy, writing in his sister's notebook, sharing his thoughts, paving his path to healing with moments of joy mingled with crushing pain. It's gut punching at its best.

The chemistry between Sky and Holder is almost overwhelming when combined with his colliding wishes that she is indeed the friend he has never forgiven himself for losing and his desire that she really is Sky so he can protect her from the inevitable pain of coming to terms with a stolen childhood. It is beyond upsetting as the memories from Hopeless come flooding back and the feeling of helplessness as you watch two people desperately try to survive a pain that cuts deeper than the sharpest knife edge and struggle to endure it and come out the other side with scars that hopefully will heal.

There are moments of light relief which are a welcome distraction but never quite ease the heavy ache in the pit of your stomach. As the book progresses my role as curious observer became a struggle to maintain and then Chapter Forty-seven-and-a-half happened...

Holder says that Devastation is something that should only be allowed to refer to mothers who have lost children - by the end of this chapter I can honestly say that it can be used by readers of this book too. The past that we think we have finally got a grip on, the story we think we know is ripped from our trusting souls and turned completely on its head.